The Death of Kurt's Dignity
by heavenhelpmyheart
Summary: A facebook style fic set after 'New York' that involves all of the New Directions and a few of our favorite Warblers!
1. Blaine's Birthday

**Rachel Berry **posted to **Kurt Hummel's Wall **Wanna play Broadway A-Z?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> This isn't something we could do in chat and not clog my notifications?**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Waiting for something special?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Maybe. As Long As You're Mine.**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>Be Our Guest**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>(You would do Disney) Chromaggia**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>(Have to love Sarah) Dance: Ten; Looks: Three**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> (Are you considering a boob job now?) Early in the Morning**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>(Certainly not!) For Good**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>(Our song :)) Goodbye Love**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> High Flying, Adored**  
>Blaine Anderson <strong>You're really bad at answering messages when you're playing this game.**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>(And that's what I was waiting for!) I Ain't Got Time**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Just Another Day**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Kiss the Girl**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>(And you make fun of me for doing Disney) Lady Marmalade**  
>Blaine Anderson <strong>Happy Birthday to me! My boyfriend isn't paying any attention to me, and is two hours away :(**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> (Stop pouting Blaine) My Strongest Suit**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Not That Kind of Thing**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Once Upon A Time**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>Perfect for You**  
>Finn Hudson <strong>What are you doing?**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>(Look at the first post, Finn) Queen Mab**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>Razzle Dazzle**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Scadenfreude**  
>Blaine Anderson <strong>"Watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!"**  
>Finn Hudson <strong>WHAT?**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Think of Me**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>(Classy, Blaine) Un Hombre Asi/I Have A Love**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I try**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>Vois Sur Ton Chemin**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> We Started This Op'ra Sh-t**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>(why do I get stuck with X?) X-Mas Bells**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> (Nice try) You Must Love Me**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>Zanna's Song**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> You two know way too many musicals

**Kurt Hummel** posted on **Blaine Anderson's Wall** HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love you :) *hearts***  
>Blaine Anderson, Rachel Berry, Wes Carlton, <strong>and **82 others** like this.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> You WHAT him?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You can read, cedes.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Heaven help you if you hurt him white boy.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I would never!**  
>David Preston<strong> intentionally.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> What David?**  
>David Preston<strong> You would never hurt him intentionally.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> You better not hurt him at all, otro infierno ayudar a su niño de culo blanco, te dolía tanto, **Satanás** recibirá una orden de restricción! (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Well, I'm scared for my life now, thank you Santana.**  
>Santana Lopez <strong>La mejor ser!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> *going on Google Translate* *pales* Charming.

**Santana Lopez** would like the world to know how much of an asshole Jesse St. James is.**  
>Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, <strong>and **9 others** like this**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Be nice, guys.**  
>Jesse St. James<strong> Love you all too**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Please, St. I-flunked-out-of-college-becase-I'm-too-stupid-to-go-to-class, you're results for that contest were *totally* unfair. Even Simon Cowell gives criticism that is actually useful, you were just being a jerk. And Merce is *not* lazy.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> I agree. I totally should have won, Kurt second, Rachel *last* Where was her choreography, St. Bad-perm? And Santana may be angry, but Kurt is a soprano, he sings girls' songs, get over it.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> I agree, except for Mercedes' placement and mine should be switched. I fuckin' owned that song, and Hummel was amazing... -ly flexible.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> The backbend he did, damn! **Blaine Anderson** would have liked to see that.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Who do you think choreographed it?**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> And was hard 99.9% of the time he was doing so? Trust me, I was there.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Maybe :D**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Happy birthday, by the way.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> OMG! It's your birthday?

**Santana Lopez** posted on **Blaine Anderson's Wall **Veoh at /watch/v18995229Ge28g9Jx**  
>Blaine Anderson, Santana Lopez, <strong>and** Brittany Pierce **like this**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Dolphin sex! (**Santana Lopez, Mercedes Jones, **and **Tina Cohen-Chang** like this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I'll kill you, Anderson. (**Puck DaBadass** and **Sam Evans** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Finn, Sam, Puck, be nice!**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> What is it with dark-curly-haired-rival-glee-club-lead-singers-who-like-gorgeous- sopranos-and-are-potential-or-actual-love-interests and sex?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm sorry, I don't remember Blaine posting this!**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> He's going to be our competition next year.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Going to kick me out of Glee, Berry?**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> No, I just don't think it's advisable for you two to continue dating while we're competition.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Yes, because you've always been the best at following the rules. (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You should learn from my mistakes.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I believe that Blaine has proven multiple times he is not like Jesse. He's only thrown an egg at me once.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> And you know it's love, because Blaine got away with getting flour and egg in Kurt's hair. (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>:)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Even I couldn't get away with that!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> And I wouldn't advise you to try.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Not that I don't love your group dynamic, but perhaps you could take this back-and-forth to *your own walls*!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sorry :D

**Kurt Hummel** is now married to **Wes Carlton**.

**Blaine Anderson** wonders if he was just broken up with...**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Damn Facebook for not allowing three-somes! (**Puck DaBadass **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> No, you were not. And lovely name, Puckerman.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Thanks, Queenie.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I hate you.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Queenie?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Don't ask.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Don't tell.**  
>Wes Carlton <strong>Just did.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Very mature, Wes, Puckerman.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> I know.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Get the stick out of your ass Kurt!**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> That's Blaine dick (**Wes Carlton** and **Blaine Anderson** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Pigs.

**Puck DaBadass **is now married to **Wes Carlton**.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> and **Wes Carlton** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> A match made in hell (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> and my nightmares! (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)

**Kurt Hummel **and **Quinn Fabray **are now married.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> So no dolphin sex? (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)

**Kurt Hummel** thinks the members of the Dalton Academy Warblers and the McKinley High New Directions spend way too much time on Facebook.

**Wes Carlton **is now friends with **Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson, **and** Puck DaBadass**.

**David Preston **is now friends with **Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson, **and **Quinn Fabray**.

**Thad van Heusner** has no friends.

**Kurt Hummel **is now in a relationship with **Blaine Anderson**.**  
>Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez, <strong>and **45 others** like this.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> How come you two weren't Facebook official before?**  
>David Preston<strong> You should put "in a civil partnership."

**Blaine Anderson **is now in a civil partnership with **Kurt Hummel**.**  
>David Preston, Wes Carlton, <strong>and **39 others** like this.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Stupid homophobes made our number drop! (**Kurt Hummel **and **David Preston** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Like Kurt's body on that backbend.**  
>David Preston <strong>YES! (the status, not Kurt's body) (**Wes Carlton** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Could we *not* talk about Kurt's body?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Why not? :D**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> Please, I have to share a room with him! (**Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez, **and **10 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Sorry! :)**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> It's only okay because you bring cookies (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> But you should never let the two of them alone in a kitchen together.**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Last time, the whole room ended up covered in flour and eggs, as were the boys themselves, who were busy making out on the floor behind the counter.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> It makes a lot more sense if you were there (**Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, **and **Blaine Anderson** like this)**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> I love you guys.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Love you too, Jake!**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> Not you!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> ooooh, shut down!

**Jesse St. James** has decided that everyone he is friends with is crazy.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Why are we all still friends with Jesse on Facebook?**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Because status is like currency.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I don't get it.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> The more Facebook friends you have, the more popular you are.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> oh.

**Kurt Hummel** is now in a relationship with **Blaine Anderson**.**  
>Mercedes Jones, Quinn Fabray, <strong>and **50 others** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sorry David, but civil partnership makes it sound like we're gay-married, and I'm pretty sure my dad almost had a second heart attack reading that over Finn's shoulder.**  
>David Preston<strong> :(**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Jeez, you boys change your relationship statueses so fast you're like Fleetwood Mac.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> "My Power Rangers got married and divored in so many combinations they were like Fleetwood Mac." (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)

**Blaine Anderson** is now in a civil partnership with **Jesse St. James**.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I KNEW IT! TREASON! (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> How could you? ;(**  
>Jesse St. James<strong> Sorry, your boyfriend is mine.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I don't know why you all hate him, he's actually really nice. (**Jesse St. James** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> He threw eggs at Rachel.

**Blaine Anderson** is now single.**  
>Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry, <strong>and **67 others** like this.

**Rachel Berry **is now married to** Kurt Hummel**.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Praying for mercy, Blaine?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes, and pissing them off. (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> This seems like a bad idea. (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You're all so unsupportive :(**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> If you need us, we'll be at my house, consummating our marriage.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> HEY!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> WHAT THE HELL?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> She's kidding, I promise (**Blaine Anderson** and **Finn Hudson** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Mine *hearts***  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Possessive! (**Finn Hudson** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Yours *hearts*

**Kurt Hummel **is now in a relationship with **Blaine Anderson**.**  
>Mercedes Jones, Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, <strong>and **42 others** like this.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Now, can you stay in a relationship for over five minutes without marrying other people? (**Rachel Berry** and **Finn Hudson** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Teenage Dream just came on :) *hearts* (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)

**Sam Evans **and **Mercedes Jones** are now in a relationship.**  
>Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Quinn Fabray, <strong>and **22 others** like this.**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>   
><br>  
>!<strong><br>Sam Evans** That's a lot of 'e''s.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Very astute observation, Samuel.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Ignore his bitch side, we're both happy for you guys *hearts* (**Mercedes Jones** and **Sam Evans** like this)**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Sorry for interupting your date the other day.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You couldn't have chosen a worse moment.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> I'm aware.**  
>Sam Evans<strong> Wait, what?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Nothing :)**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Way to choose the most unromantic circumsances possible, btw.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I didn't mean to say it! I was listening to him talk, and I thought it, because I had been trying to say it for a while, and it tumbled out of my traitorous mouth.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I didn't mind :) (**Mercedes Jones** and **Blaine Anderson** like this)**  
>Sam Evans<strong> I am *so* confused.**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> What happened to 'pretty but not dumb?' Not that we all didn't already know about you two :)**  
>Sam Evans<strong> You're just trying to confuse me, aren't you?**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Maybe ;)**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Stop flirting with my boyfried, ho :)

**Finn Hudson** and **Rachel Berry **are now in a relationship.**  
>Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, <strong>and **36 others** like this.**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>the end of that status should say 'Thanks to Kurt Hummel and his amazing let's- break-into-a-theater strategy.' Just saying. Oh, and *it took you long enough!***  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Thank you for New York.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You're welcome. Perhaps next time, you could save the liplocking for at home? (**Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez, **and **8 others** like this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You understand passion :)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> *Mercedes Jones*, did you tell *everyone* about that conversation?**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> It was too sweet not to :)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh sweet Gaga! (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I don't mind!**  
>Sam Evans<strong> I'm still *so* confused!**  
>Jesse St. James<strong> I believed better of you Rachel.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> ^^ **Blaine Anderson**, you married this asshole?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> My mistake :(

**Kurt Hummel** has decided that **Finn Hudson** should not be allowed to be on Facebook unless locked in his room. Thanks to the fact that he was looking at **Santana Lopez**'s post of **Blaine Anderson**'s Wall, I just got *another* sex talk from my lovingly awkward father.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> He just wants to protect you :)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Doesn't make it any less irritating**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> You're welcome, Hummel. Now you and **Blaine Anderson** need to put some of those talks into practice.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Sorry dude.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, I thought I'd try out a Facebook fic. How'd I do? I might write more if you guys want it. Yep.**

**Reviews are Love.**


	2. Charlie's Wall

**Charlie Shields** As you all know, my two best friends, **Blaine Anderson** and **Kurt Hummel**, are ridiculously in love. I have decided to dedicate, at a great personal sacrifice, my entire wall to updates on their relationship for the next few weeks. This will continue until the point at which I fear Kurt will cut off my balls in my sleep if I write another post.**  
>Finn Hudson, Rachel Berry, <strong>and **53 others** like this.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> How exactly do you plan to do this when we're two hours apart?**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> Oh, didn't you know? I watch you while you sleep... (**Brittany Pierce **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> **Brittany Pierce**, why did you like that? Charlie's a creep!**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Hacked by **Santana Lopez**!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Of course.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> As creepy as that is (and what the hell dude?), figuring the two of you out might be nice. (**Mercedes Jones, Brittany Pierce,** and **15 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> We're really not that complicated Finn (and all those who liked that).**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Yes, white boys, you are. As cute as you may be.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Why, thank you :) (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>You are such an attention whore, you know that? (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> How rude!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You liked it anyway.**  
>Puck DaBadass <strong>Giggidy!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Really, Noah? Really?**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Wanky, wanky!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> That looks so wrong next to Brittany's name.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> And I am not an attention whore.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> If you weren't an attention whore, you wouldn't have brought yourself back as the central focus, rather, allowing me to have some choice words with Santana/Brittany.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> ;(**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Attention whore!

**Charlie Shields** agrees with **Kurt Hummel** that **Blaine Anderson** is an attention whore, but hopes that will not affect their love-i-ness!**  
>David Preston, Wes Carlton, <strong>and** 37 others** like this.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> 'love-i-ness'? How very articulate of you, Charlie. (**Rachel Berry** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Be nice, silly :)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> :)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth. (**Finn Hudson** and** Puck DaBadass** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> How charming, Santana.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Speaking of attention whores... **Kurt Hummel**! (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You realize now he's going to ignore all his notifications and probably not talk to either of us for a few good hours.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Good riddance!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You're horrible.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> The term 'attention whore' is absolutely preposterous. How can one sleep with attention?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> You're being too literal about it, Rachel m'dear. It means 'enjoying ridiculous amount of attention.' Whereas being a normal whore is enjoying ridiculous amounts of sex. Like **Charlie Shields.** You're an attention whore too, but if you prefer to find your own term for it, by all means.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I will. Charlie's a whore?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> So sheltered.

**Charlie Shields** So, according to **Blaine Anderson**, I have now driven a rift between him and his lovely, **Kurt Hummel**. May I just say that neither of them are attention whores, and both are completely loveable. However, **Rachel Berry** is an attention whore, and *I* am a regular whore.**  
>Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez, <strong>and **22 others** like this.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Excuse **Blaine Anderson** and **Kurt Hummel** from commenting, but they're currently making out on the couch. Hopefully, they don't forget I'm in the room... again. (**Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez, **and** Rachel Berry** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Giggidy! (**Puck DaBadass** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Hot. (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Lau Zis<strong> Should I be worried, Puckerman?**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Nah, I'm just supporting Hummel gettin sum. Then he'll be less of a stick-ass.(**Lau Zis** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> How come I can't get past second base but Rachel thinks the rainbows flying from my couch (they haven't stopped yet) are hot? (**Puck DaBadass** likes this)**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Think of it this way, Finno. You think lesbians are hot, girls thinks gays are hot. It's just a psychological thing.**  
>David Preston<strong> Any particular reason you said 'you' and not 'we'? ;)**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Oh yeah :)

**Charlie Shields** is taking a momentary break from his Klainebows to scream over the fact that **David Preston** and **Wes Carlton** finally got their heads out of their respective asses and are screwing! HALLELUJAH!**  
>Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson,<strong> and **30 others** like this.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> So, all those little nudges finally worked out. I thought I heard something the other day ;) (**David Preston** and **Wes Carlton** like this)**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> Great, now I have mental images I will never be rid of. (**Finn Hudson** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I have actual memories now, thanks to Mr. and Mr. Klainebows! (**Charlie Shields **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sorry :(**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> We forgot you were in the room!**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> Don't worry about it, person I don't know named Finn, I'll probably walk in on something a lot worse one day *shudders***  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Learn to *knock* and it won't be a problem! (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You're as bad as Wes. And when did 'Klainebows' become a word.**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> I know you like math, so let me break it down for you. Kurt + Blaine = Klaine + rainbows = Klainebows. So Kurt + Blaine + rainbows = Klainebows, because addition is commutative.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Not quite the rule. Substitution, actually. That's more: if a + b = c and c + d = e, then a + b can be substituted for c, therefore a + b + d = e.**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> OW MY HEAD!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> That's exactly what you just did smarty.**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> Huh?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> a = Kurt, b = Blaine, c = Klaine, d = rainbows, e = Klainebows. Plug them in.**  
>Jake Kutowski<strong> oooooooooooooh!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> I can't believe you're doing math on Facebook. Losers!

**Charlie Shields** has discovered that A) **Kurt Hummel** and **Blaine Anderson** are really good at math, B) **Jake Kutowski** is smarter then he knows, C) **Finn Hudson** has been traumatized by Klainebows, D) girls have good taste, and E) watching **Kurt Hummel** eat ice cream is the equivalent of fellatio porn.**  
>Jake Kutowski, Finn Hudson, <strong>and** 33 others** like this.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> A) losers, B) loser, C) I would give millions to be him, D) thank you, and E) fuck yes!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> It's not intentional! I spend too much time with her ^^ (**Santana Lopez** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> That was *completely* intentional and designed to drive me *crazy* thanks so much. (**Santana Lopez** and **Brittany Pierce** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Maybe ;)**  
>Puck DaBadass <strong>Giggidy! (**Santana Lopez** and **Brittany Pierce** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Wanky wanky! (**Puck DaBadass** and **Brittany Pierce** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I'm not going to say anything for fear of traumatizing Finn farther. (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> and that says it all.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Giggidy! (**Puck DaBadass** and **Santana Lopez **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Hacked by **Santana Lopez**?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Nope!**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Why do we have good taste?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I believe the reason Charlie is referring to (since he is refusing to comment on his own posts now) is that you think gay sex is hot.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You know, I kind of miss when you were assumed as prudish as I am. (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Assumed?**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Innocent until proven guilty. (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Clever.**  
><strong>

**Charlie Shields** is confused. **Kurt Hummel** isn't a prude?**  
>Blaine Anderson, Puck DaBadass,<strong> and **5 others **like this.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Nope!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You know, Charlie, this is why adults think social networking sites are bad.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Can I watch? (**Santana Lopez**, **Tina Cohen-Chang**, and **Rachel Berry** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> no, No, Tina!, and NO!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> *rude***  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> awwwww**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sorry, Britts.**  
>Tina Cohen-Chang<strong> Damn.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Girls are shameless.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You're the one who decided to try them (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> It's comments like that that remind me why I love you so much, Rach! (**Rachel Berry** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You're both horrible to me.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You love me :)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes :)**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> You, my friend, are either ridiculously brave for dealing with that diva, or incredibly masochistic.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Kinky bastard!**  
>David Preston<strong> Heaven help me, I'm in love with a horny moron. (**Kurt Hummel** and **Blaine Anderson **like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Tell me about it! (**David Preston** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Hey! (**Wes Carlton** likes this)

**Charlie Shields** has decided that Kurt's original guess was correct, and Dalton Academy is in fact a gay school. We have Klaine, Wevid, Neff (even if they won't admit it), and someone needs to come up with a couple name for **Michael Cote** and I!**  
>Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson,<strong> and **38 others** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I knew it!**  
>David Preston<strong> Can it, Mr. Endearing! (**Blaine Anderson** and **Wes Carlton** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Chaelie?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> That looks like a different language! How could one ever pronounce that?**  
>Blaine Anderson <strong>Good point. Micharlie?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Lame.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Pessimist.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Realist.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Sometimes I can't tell if you two love each other or hate each other! (**Finn Hudson, Mercedes Jones, **and **8 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Love :)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Loser :D**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Oh, Santana dearest, I think you have something more important to worry about then insulting us.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Huh?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> She knows what I mean.

**Charlie Shields** now knows that homophobic assholes are correct, and being gay is contagious!Let's see, there's: me, **Kurt Hummel**, **Blaine Anderson, Wes Carlton, David Preston, Jeff Adams, Nick Mitri, Michael Cote, Santana Lopez, **and** Brittany Lopez.** I blame Kurt.**  
>Blaine Anderson, Jake Kutowski<strong>, and** 18 others** like this.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Shut up, fudge packer, I'm not gay.**  
>Brittany Lopez<strong> But you wore the Lebanese shirt...**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sanny, bad word. Britt, you spell that 'lesbian,' the way you spelled it makes the word that means 'ethnically from Lebanon.'**  
>Brittany Lopez<strong> Oh.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Now, my question is, why did it change from Brittany *Pierce* to Brittany *Lopez*? (**Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones**, and **5 others** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> How the fuck am I supposed to know? Britt, change it back.**  
>Brittany Lopez<strong> But I don't want to.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Well that's sweet.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Shut it, Hummel.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> So it's back to Hummel now? Honestly, I believed we were beyond that kind of plebian behavior. *sniff***  
>Mercedes Jones <strong>Now that we're done arguing over whatever is happening with Brittana and Brittany's last name, ladies (and white boy) sleep over, my house, Friday? (**Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel, **and **5** others like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Can I just come home from school with you? (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Is liking the new way of saying 'yes'? (**Kurt Hummel **likes this)


	3. Code Names

**Mercedes Jones** had an amazing sleep over with seven of her favorite people yesterday!**  
>Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry,<strong> and **5 others **like this**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> I feel so left out :(**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> You can come next time, Charlie. (**Charlie Shields **likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> What do girls do at sleep overs?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Have pillow fights in their underwear (**Santana Lopez** and **Puck DaBadass** like this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> We do not!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> ...**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Once. ONCE!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I love that movie (**Kurt Hummel **likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Sigh.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Dude, you are so lucky.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> DO NOT CALL ME DUDE.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Scary Kurt. Sorry :)**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> I promise you, Finn, that Crawford Country Day girls have pillow fights in less than that ;)(**Finn Hudson, Puck DaBadass,** and **4 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> True fact *shudders*

**Blaine Anderson** posted on** Kurt Hummel's** **Wall** I miss you :(**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong>, **Rachel Berry,** and **14 others** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I miss you too. Tell every employee that you see at Six Flags that I hate them :)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Does that include my boss? (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Yes.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Way to answer me.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Sorry. I'm talking to that one random person on my friend's list that I've never met in my life (**Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry, **and** 4 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Only you *hearts*

**Finn Hudson** listed** Kurt Hummel** as his brother.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> and **Rachel Berry** like this**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Now you just have to accept me, little bro.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Why in the world would I do that? (**Puck DaBadass **likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Aw, come on. You love me.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sometimes.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Baby, be nice to your brother :)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> He blew up the coffee machine this morning. Did you know that was possible?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I live with twenty-six (now twenty-five :( ) boys for the majority of the year. Anything is possible. (**Kurt Hummel, David Preston,** and **3 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> True :) I have to say, I kind of miss the madness. (**Wes Carlton, Charlie Shields**, and **20 others** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Well, you certainly get a portion of that with Finn. (**Finn Hudson** and **Rachel Berry** like this**)  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You make being his brother actually sound appealing. It's a miracle.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> :) *hearts*

**Kurt Hummel** listed **Finn Hudson** as his brother.**  
>Blaine Anderson, Rachel Berry,<strong> and **18 others** like this**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> It's official! **Blaine Anderson** is the Kurt Whisperer! (**Rachel Berry, Blaine Anderson,** and **7 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Love you all too. (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Be nice to Kurt :) His temper really isn't that bad.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Oh honey, you have no idea. Just because his temper isn't that bad around *you* doesn't mean he isn't ready to bite someone's head off 99% of the time you aren't around. (**Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, **and **16 others** like this).**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> The wonderful effects of being in love :) (**Blaine Anderson** and **Kurt Hummel** like this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> He's even more tactile with *everyone* now. It's getting a little bit ridiculous. (**Mercedes Jones** and **Quinn Fabray** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> *blushes* no comment.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Then why did you comment? (**Mercedes Jones, Blaine Anderson, **and **4 others** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I forget how clear her perception can be sometimes. (**Kurt Hummel** and **Santana Lopez** like this)

**Kurt Hummel** has decided that everyone on Facebook is a complete creeper. Especially his wonderful boyfriend, **Blaine Anderson**.**  
>Blaine Anderson, Wes Carlton, <strong>and** 39 others** like this**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Creeper stage 1: Investigating strange FB posts.  
>Stage 2: Going to people's wall, reading everything, then clicking "See more".<br>Stage 3: Clicking on several links, and seeing who they are associated with.  
>Stage 4: Clicking to their Twitter, reading everything, and "Seeing More". (<strong>Wes Carlton <strong>likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You worry me.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You love me. (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> or you could just look into people's windows as they sleep. That's what I do.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I don't doubt it.**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> Your boyfriend looks really cute when he sleeps :) (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I know (**Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry,** and **4 others** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Wanky!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I don't know if I should feel flattered or concerned.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> The cutest part of this conversation is that, despite the fact you are calling Blaine a creeper (which he is), you still call him 'wonderful.' (**Blaine Anderson **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> :)  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Gross. (**Puck DaBadass** likes this)**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Couldn't have said it any better myself**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Why am I friends with either of you?**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Because you secretly lust for my body**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Ew (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I think he's more than happy with **Blaine Anderson**'s body.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> And you all say I'm the creeper.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> True fact.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew EW!**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Exactly**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Dislike ;) (**Rachel Berry** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> the most concerning part of this conversation is that **Rachel Berry** is so involved (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)

**Molly Finn** posted on **Kurt Hummel's** **Wall** I was just thinking about you, listening to 'Ever After' :)**  
>Kurt Hummel, David Preston,<strong> and **18 others** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> We share a love of Peter Simmons *hearts***  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Who's Peter Simmons?**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Who's Peter Simmons?**  
>Molly Finn<strong> Wow. (**Kurt Hummel** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You're telling me, girl :)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Peter Simmons is the main character of bare: a pop opera. Now, my question is: are you referring to Matt Doyle or Michael Arden?**  
>Molly Finn<strong> I meant the actual character short-stuff ;) (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Well, that's rude. Who are you, anyway?**  
>Molly Finn<strong>: Lead singer of the Crawford Country Day Songbirds and one of **Kurt Hummel**'s many hags. (**Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones,** and **5 others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Though, if I had to chose one, I would pick Michael Arden :) (**Molly Finn** likes this)**  
>Molly Finn<strong> Touche. What do you bet **Blaine Anderson** is looking all of this up on Google?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I forget how much of a freaky mind-reader you are sometimes.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Words cannot fully describe the wonder that is bare: a pop opera *hearts* (**Molly Finn** likes this)**  
><strong>

**Blaine Anderson** will not comment on anything right now because he apparently has to watch Bare: a pop opera!**  
>Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry, <strong>and** Molly Finn** like this**  
>Molly Finn<strong> Unless you want to remain celibate for the rest of your and Kurt's relationship.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Aren't I supposed to say that? (Not that it's not true)**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> That's quite the threat from someone with such a nice ass ;)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Ignoring the fact that Puckerman has been checking out my ass (which is disturbing in it's own right), Molly is very, *very* correct that my boyfriend better be watching that movie.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> In which case, you should probably stop creating new notifications to tempt him away from the amazingness.**  
>Molly Finn<strong> And that's definitely a threat, **Puck DaBadass**, considering those two are totally endgame (**Rachel Berry** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I like the celibacy idea.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, Finn :)

**Blaine Anderson** posted to **Rachel Berry's Wall** You're awesome. We must, as the kids these days say, "hang out," or my soul will explode from the lack of your personal awesomeness.**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>and **Finn Hudson** like this**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> You would be such a babe magnet if you weren't into dudes. (**Finn Hudson** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> That's a little odd to like, Finn.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I want *lessons*! (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I really do miss you, my lovely (Rachel, not Finn).**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I completely call being your hag.**  
>Molly Finn<strong> Taken ;)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Well, Kurt has at least seven. I think you two can co-exist peacefully. (**Rachel Berry** and **Molly Finn** like this)

**Charlie Shields** has a note for **Kurt Hummel**: **Blaine Anderson** gives *amazing* back-rubs.**  
>Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez, <strong>and **2 others** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I know ;)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Oh, yes!**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> I am in *love* with that boy's back rubs.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> ?**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Cheerio's camp.**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> That boy is a gift from God!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Especially because Coach Sylvester tried to *FIT US IN BOXES YESTERDAY!***  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You're rejoining the Cheerios, Kurt?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Not by choice.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Why, thank you, Charlie, Kurt, Quinn, Santana, and Brittany!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Well, you're good with your hands ;)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Shouldn't that be my comment?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> bare reference! (**Rachel Berry, Molly Finn, **and** Kurt Hummel** like this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I'm so worried.**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> Now I really, *really* want to see one of your Cheerio routines ;)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm sure you would *rolls eyes***  
>Santana Lopez<strong> You'd blow a nut ;)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> SANTANA LOPEZ!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> She's right.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> and how would you know?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Case and point. For all the back rubs I've given you four nutcases, I've never actually seen a routine...**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> I'm sure Kurt would be happy to give you a private performance (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)

**Quinn Fabray **One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.**  
>Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel,<strong> and** 12 others** like this**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I died laughing reading this (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Shut up, Anderson. This post is for those of us who haven't found our princes yet, Mr. I'm-totally-in-love-with-Hum-drum! (**Kurt Hummel** and **Blaine Anderson** like this)**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Shouldn't you be looking for a prince*ss*, Santana? (**Kurt Hummel** and **Brittany Pierce** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Shut up, preggo, queer, Britts. I'm not gay.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I've said that before too... I even think **Finn Hudson** believed me. (**Quinn Fabray** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I totally did.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Te odio de todo, las putas.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Relax, Santana, we're all friends here!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> On a public wall post?

**Santana Lopez** You have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> 8!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sigh.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> 10**  
>Finn Hudson<strong>... I agree with Blaine (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Idiotic boyfriend: check. Idiotic brother: check. Smart Brittany: Wait, what**?  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> What? 10 - 5 = 5 + 3 = 8!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Stop counting, smart stuff. Fish can't drown. (**Kurt Hummel** and **Brittany Pierce** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> ...oh.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You live to make people feel stupid, don't you San? (**Santana Lopez** likes this)

**Puck DaBadass** What's the difference between Kurt Hummel/Justin Beiber (pick) and a Snickers bar?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> One of them is going to crack one of your nuts (right or left, that's your choice), and the other isn't?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Haha. That was fun. (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I don't get it.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm warning you, Puckerman...**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> A Snickers bar has nuts.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Need some help, Hummel?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I don't hire people to do my dirty work, San :)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Wait, but... Kurt's a dude, right?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes ;)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Signing off now, probably gonna throw up.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> One of the Cheerio's couldn't have helped me out there?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Oh, please. The more buzzkills Hudson has, the better.

**Blaine Anderson** posted to **Kurt Hummel's Wall** Hey, love :) bare was amazing, and I now know that must be un-capitalized. Anyway, we need code names.**  
>Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry, <strong>and** Molly Finn** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Why, exactly, do we need code names?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> To be super stealthy, and make me laugh. (**Puck DaBadass **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sometimes I wonder what I got into, saying 'yes.' (**Finn Hudson** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Let's see what the Internet has to suggest...**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Is it really stealthy if we're doing it on a wall that seemed to be stalked by all members of the New Directions as well as the Warblers? (**Quinn Fabray** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes! Hmmm... Egg Roll?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> This is going to be a *long* conversation, isn't it?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Is that a 'no'?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Next.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Stalking Chicken?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> That should be *yours* (**Rachel Berry** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Fluffy Bunny?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm in love with a moron, aren't I? (**Rachel Berry, Molly Finn, **and **16 others** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Laughing Snail?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You're never deterred, are you?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> TWINKLE BUTT! *dies laughing***  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I hate you.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, I haven't updated this in forever, and I'm sorry, but this ideas for this story come and go. A lot of these posts were inspired by my lovely and bizarre friends and sister :) Reviews are Love.  
><strong>


	4. The Purple Piano Project

**A/N REAL QUICK: Spoilers 3x01. And I don't mean to offend of hurt anyone's feelings with any of the jokes made here. This is what teenagers act like and say.**

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn Fabray <strong>posted to** Kurt Hummel's** **Wall** NO WHORES OF ANY EMOTIONAL STATE!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> likes this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> No cheery whores?**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> or miserable ones.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> ... I feel like I missed something. (**Finn Hudson** likes this)**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> I'm curled up with your boyfriend in his bed, reading everything on damn you auto correct .com**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> :( Quinnyyyy, you stole my spot. (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Yes, but if you were in Kurt's bed while all alone in the house, you wouldn't be on the internet. (**Rachel Berry**, **Mercedes Jones**, and** 4 others** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Sometimes, even I get tired of commenting 'Wanky wanky!' on **Kurt Hummel**'s Wall. (**Kurt Hummel **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Maybe then you'll refrain from doing so in the future?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Hmm... NOPE! (**Puck DaBadass** likes this)

**Puck DaBadass** wanted to kill the sexiest person alive… but suicide's a crime.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> likes this**  
>David Preston<strong> watch it.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Please, if I rolled that way I'd be tapping **Kurt Hummel**'s ass.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> So many stupid people and so few asteroids. (**Blaine Anderson, Mercedes Jones**, and** 12** **others** like this)**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> That is, once I got him to admit that he's totally turned on by me.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning. (**Blaine Anderson, Mercedes Jones,** and **2 others** like this)**  
>David Preston<strong> This conversation could continue on for quite a while, couldn't it?**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to get up on this?**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>People make the world go around but, at some point, don't you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Ouch, that would almost hurt, Hummel, but you know what they say about love and hate ;)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, you commented again... I see the assassins have failed.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Isn't premarital sex supposed to be a 'crime of passion' or something? Hummel should be in jail.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'll show you passion: murder, the ultimate crime of passion.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> I think you just admitted you're hot for me.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I think... and thus we have nothing in common.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> OH MY GOODNESS SHUT UP!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> 'Oh my goodness'? Really? (**Puck DaBadass** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Whatever I have to say to make you two cooperate peacefully!

**Brittany Pierce** Brittany went to the book store earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book. When she got there, she couldn't find the book anywhere.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong>, **Kurt Hummel**, and **Blaine Anderson** like this**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Aww... you changed your last name back. (**Santana Lopez** and **Kurt Hummel** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> We liked that for totally different reasons.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Well played Wally, well played.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Sometime I wonder why I hang out with any of you. (**Puck DaBadass** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Did you just like your own comment?**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> I wonder why Facebook bothers to give the option of liking my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> No, you're not, dude, don't lie.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Sigh.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You're telling me.

**Puck DaBadass** has decided that if women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.**  
>Finn Hudson, Wes Carlton, <strong>and** 18 others** like this**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> That's incredibly rude, Noah! (**Quinn Fabray** and **Lau Zis** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> *cough* kind of true *cough* *cough* (**Blaine Anderson** and **Finn Hudson** like this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> KURT HUMMEL!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm innocent. I was having a random coughing fit, but I'm all okay now.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Why must guys be so pigheaded? *rolls eyes***  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Well, that's why you don't like them!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Anderson...**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Wow! I don't know where that came from! Who said that? I don't know...**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Really? (**Kurt Hummel**, **Rachel Berry**, and** 4 others** like this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes :)

**Blaine Anderson** posted to **Kurt Hummel**'s** Wall** StalkingChicken to TwinkleButt, do you read me?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> If you ever call me TwinkleButt again I'm breaking up with you. It's the most embarrassing thing I've ever been called.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> And that's a really high bar. (**Kurt Hummel **likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> That's a horrible thing to say! (Both of you).**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I said it first, after we got away from that horrible meeting of Midwestern kids aimed at NYADA *shudders***  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> It couldn't have been *that* bad. I don't think I've ever met a girl who sang better than Rachel.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Harmony. She has credits. In-utero credits.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> They're like the same person. They could be long-lost twins (more in attitude than appearance). It was quite scary, to be honest. Imagine a world with two Rachels...**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> That's two more Rachels than I can handle now! (**Kurt Hummel** and **Finn Hudson** like this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> And here I thought you had class...**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Nope!

**Wes Carlton** posted to **Kurt Hummel**'s **Wall** I completely hate you for stealing our star. We've been submerged into madness and disorder. I hope you are happy. That being said, YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm thrilled actually, thanks Wes.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Haha. Did you know Kendrick could sing? He's a *beast*.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Keep talking, Wes, I'm sure Rachel is writing down every word.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Whoops...

**Kurt Hummel** loathes the idea of a camping trip with a passion. Why didn't we go in the summer? It's *cold* out there, and I don't do cold well.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong>, **Blaine Anderson,** and **6 others** like this.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME DUDE!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I don't understand what is 'awesome' about a tent, a sleeping bag, cold nights, excess bugs, no showers, and no caffeine. (**Rachel Berry**, **Quinn Fabray**, and** 14 others** like this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Come on! It's gonna be totally fun. We get to share a tent!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'll tell you once, I won't tell you twice, I have no interest in sharing a tent with your snoring butt.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Not even Brokeback Mountain style? (**Wes Carlton** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Why, exactly, is it that you've seen Brokeback Mountain, Puckerman?**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Dude, everyone knows that's the gay ass-sex movie.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> WHAT!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Dear Jacobs, please let's not have a regression to the point at which Finn was worried about me molesting him in his sleep.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> You're too much of a prude to molest anyone, even if they like it. (**Santana Lopez** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Dude... I never thought you were going to molest me. You're too tiny to molest me.**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Haha... alternate meanings.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Finn: You do realize, of course, that a weekend with a caffeine-less Kurt is going to be like the deepest circle of hell, correct?  
>Puck: First + second comment, no one really knows what down in the tent. Third comment, you really shouldn't assume ;) Fourth comment, haha... no.<strong><br>Kurt Hummel** BLAINE!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Oh crap. Now that I go to school at McKinley, I can't just hide away until Kurt's not mad at me anymore... time to drag out the cute pout. (**Rachel Berry** and **Molly Finn** like this)

**Rachel Berry** What's the most romantic thing you've ever heard?**  
>Finn Hudson<strong>, **Blaine Anderson**, and **10 others **like this**  
>Puck DaBadass "<strong>Girl: How much do you love me? Boy: Look at the sky and count the stars, and match every one with a reason that I love you."**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> That's so sweet! (**Brittany Pierce** likes this)**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> continued: "Girl: But, it's daytime... Boy: Haha, exactly."**  
>Rachel Berry <strong>I should have expected that.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> ... you know what I'm thinking.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Why, of course :)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Could you two stop being brain-twins for like five seconds *please*!**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Brain-triplets, with Harmony.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> We try not to think about her. "You are my best friend, my shoulder to lean on, the one person I know I can count on, you're the love of my life, you're my one and only, you're my everything."**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> ... I don't remember saying that (not that it's not true). (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Of course you don't. You didn't say it. Wes did. It says most romantic thing you've ever *heard*, not most romantic thing ever *said to you*.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Wes? Like... our Wes? Our crazy-lunatic-with-a-gavel, Wesley Carlton?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I was surprised too.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Rude.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> "I just want to see you more. I want my senior year to be magic and the only way that's gonna happen is if I get to spend every minute of every day with you."  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Gee, I can't fathom who said that :) *hearts*

**Finn Hudson** is wondering if **Kurt Hummel** will ever stop bothering him about the... what was the latest name?**  
>Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson<strong>, and** 23 others** like this.**  
>Wes Carlton<strong> Oh, Kurt. How I miss you! *hearts***  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> 'The-Kiss-that-Missed,' though I'm sure I can come up with a better name than that.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Why is the T-Rex eating the Jew?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong>... And here I was, thinking that if I joined the club, I wouldn't miss as much. Lo and behold, I am still completely lost (**Finn Hudson** likes this)**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Join the club**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Finn is the founder of that club (**Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce,** and **4 others** like this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Be nice to Finn! *hearts***  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> Excuse me while I vomit.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Are you bulimic now too?

**Kurt Hummel** posted to **Rachel Berry**'s **Wall** 'Me and my Hag.' Enough Said.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> and **Blaine Anderson** like this**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> That is far from the only dating combination the Glee club hasn't tried. Though, "you make me want to be your boyfriend."**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Only Rachel Berry, one-of-a-kind, would quote _herself_. Anyway, did you see the picture on the front? I was torn between insulted and about to pee my pants laughing.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You just quoted yourself, and I think I liked being Velma and Roxie better :)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> It's a consensus by many. If only I hadn't been so _off!_**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Agreed. Now my question is, where did you get collapse-able brooms?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> "Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies."**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You have been spending _far_ too much time with me. (**Rachel Berry** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Gay high-five!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> *hearts* (to both of you). By the way, the bowties are very cute (**Rachel Berry** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> The swag and very-40s cheesy winks are my favorites (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Oh goodness, you two are turning into _that_ type of best friends!(**Rachel Berry** and **Kurt Hummel** like this)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Super sexy ;)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Mmm-hmmm... ;)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Not so bad yourself Miss Lopez.**  
>Sanatana Lopez <strong>Why thanks you ;)**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Mine.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Where's my straight copy?

**Rachel Berry** Do you think **Blaine Anderson** is a good addition to the New Directions?  
><strong>Yes <strong>- 34%  
><strong>No<strong> - 45%  
><strong>Maybe?<strong> - 21%  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> love you guys too... :(  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> GUYS! Rachel, how dare you. After Jesse? Really? (**Finn Hudson** likes this)  
><strong>Wes Carlton<strong> Relax, homeboys. The negatives are us, wanting you back (both of you, but we know we can never have Kurt). (**Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson**, and **12 others** like this)  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Oh... haha  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Wes, you're Asian, not African-American. Stop saying 'homeboys.' It's even embarrassing from two hours away (**David Preston, Blaine Anderson, **and **22 others** like this)  
><strong>Wes Carlton<strong> Love you too  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> I'm totally cool with it as long as there's no ball-hogging. (**Artie Abrams** likes this)  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Says *you*!  
><strong>Charlie Shields<strong> Hogging Kurt's balls? What? (**Santana Lopez** likes this)  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> ... I'm gonna hurl.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Really, Charlie? Really? I think he just actually threw up.  
><strong>Charlie Shields<strong> How charming. "You're sooo talll" and staggers off drunkenly.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Oh hush. I can't believe you told him about that.  
><strong>Charlie Shields<strong> I assure you, Kurt told me *everything* about that party ;) (**Kurt Hummel** and **Rachel Berry** like this)  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Kill me now  
><strong>Charlie Shields<strong> You love me :) And Kurt.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Well, that's a given *hearts* (**Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones,** and **41 others** like this)

* * *

><p><strong>AN (Again. Sorry): I figured out what I'm doing with this story. This will be my personal vent area for things that happened in new episodes, making jokes out of what I both loved and didn't like (try to tell the difference). So... yeah. Small Harry Potter reference, in case anyone missed that.  
><strong>

**Reviews are Love.**


	5. I Am Unicorn

**Rachel Berry** Who do you think would be the best Tony to compliment my Maria?**  
>Blaine Anderson <strong>- 40%**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> - 35%**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> - 15%**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> - 10%**  
>Finn Hudson<strong>, **Rachel Berry**, and **2 others** like this**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Da fuck? Why am I on the 'gay' list? And how did Hummel get more than me?**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Because I have a better voice. And Finn's not gay. (**Finn Hudson** likes this)**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> I'm sure he only added that because he's heard it so much.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Cold.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Excuse me, bitch, who said you were Maria?**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Mercedes, you have an admirable voice, but, frankly, you simply cannot match my talent level. Jesse pointed out your lack of determination, and while it was incredibly rude, it was true. Maria is a part that I've been able to relate with since I was a year old. Natalie Wood was a Jew, and we have very similar voices, though I hope my death will not be as tragic. I will be playing Maria, but I'm sure you'll make a lovely Anita to compliment me.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I hate to break it to you, Rachel, but the point of a comment is for it to be short.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Bitches, you trippin'! The only girl that could pull of the Latina chicklet around here is me! (**Brittany Pierce** likes this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Sadly, I do not have the skin color for the part, but you don't have the range. I can use foundation to fix my problem, as well as a vigorous fake-tanning schedule, but to teach you to be able to utilize the notes and emotion required for Maria would take far longer than we have to pull off an entire production of one of the most moving and honored Broadway musicals in history.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I think I almost like talking to Rachel better in person... so that I can cut her off when she's being ridiculous (**Santana Lopez, Mercedes Jones, **and **5 others** like this)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You're just bitter that you didn't win my poll, or perhaps that you can't be Maria yourself, despite the appropriate range.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I hate to break it to you, my lovely delusional friend, but your poll doesn't mean anything in the end.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Rachel, I will bust my ass for this part and steal it from under your skinny white butt, I promise you.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Game on.

**Rachel Berry** cannot be the only one that thinks a mysophobic guidance counselor and a football coach are horrible co-directors for a musical! No offense to **Artie Abrams**.  
>(<strong>Finn Hudson, Blaine Anderson, <strong>and **10** **others** like this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Haven't we talked about at least giving people a chance?**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> What does mysophobic mean?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Afraid of germs**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Kurt, I don't think you understand. Our New York dreams *depend* on the success of this production. Lousy directing and production could be the end of our chances to go to NYADA, even if you win President. I, for one, have been a member of various clubs and organizations for my three completed years of high school, and now sincerely regret leaving them to focus on Glee for my senior year. You, however, have nothing but Glee and brief stints in both football and cheerleading. People with high expectations such as the council of auditions at NYADA are not going to be impressed. Nothing is based on GPA, Kurt! Absolutely nothing. They require nothing more than a 2.0!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Is there a limited number of characters to a facebook comment? or are you actually done with your spiel?**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Kurt, THIS IS OUR LIVES!**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Rachel, m'dear, I think you need to calm down. Just because you were slightly intimidated by Harmony's in-utero credits, doesn't mean both of you aren't shoo-ins. Rachel, you are the most determined, demanding, and talented girl I know. Since you have clearly read the NYADA website as much as I have, you'll know that *motivation* is what they're looking for, and you have it in abundance. Kurt, I think it's safe to say that I will never meet another person with a voice as incredibly versatile and *pure* as yours. Neither of you have anything to worry about.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> ... Now I see why you drip whenever you seem him.**  
>Blaine Anderson <strong>Excuse me?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I think she's referring to the common ideal of 'melting' whenever you see someone you're... enamored with.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Either that, or something you *really* don't wanna think about**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Ew.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Since you pushed it away, can I have the rest of your pizza?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Go ahead. Haven't we talked about talking across the room instead of facebook messaging.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I commented.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> He's got you there.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh hush. Just because you two have some sort of football coalition...**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> YOU THREE ARE MISSING THE POINT!

**Puck DaBadass** My ass fuckin' hurts.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> likes this**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> So you finally figured out what went down in the tent, huh? (**Kurt Hummel, Brittany Pierce, **and **4 others** like this)**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> That's you and Hummel's job.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> May I just say that it's completely unfair that you can actually dance (and yes, Noah, I'm ignoring you).**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Dude, stop freakin' callin' me that.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I only do it to irritate you, as it so clearly does. Perhaps if I wasn't constantly called 'dude' by members of the jock species, I would be more inclined to call you by your chosen nickname.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> No you wouldn't :)**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> I can think of a few other things the jock population calls you.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Same things they should be calling you?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Shut up, queer.**  
>Mike Chang<strong> You guys are actually getting much better... well, except Finn.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Dude, why is Kurt there? He dances like a Boss. (**Kurt Hummel **likes this)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Mike was correct when he said my free-styling could use a little work. Not that we would ever use free-styling in a competition atmosphere, but it can never hurt to improve, especially with upcoming auditions for NYADA, March 3rd in Cleveland.**  
>Mike Chang<strong> Took the words right out of my mouth.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> ...You sound exactly like Rachel.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm going to cut your balls off in your sleep...**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You kind of do. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it may have something to do with the recent ego blow.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Thanks for bringing that up.**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> Did somebody say 'blow'?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I've never doubted your uncanny ability to make absolutely everything sexual and pop up at the most convenient times for your purpose. It has now been officially proven.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Eff off, Charlie.**  
>Charlie Shields<strong> Message me.

**Rachel Berry** "You will never become a star, or get the lead, if you play it safe." My new motto.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> likes this**  
>Blaine Anderson <strong>^ Do you like her statuses out of obligation or actual desire?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> And that is the exact reason I am trying out to be Tony!**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You would make an amazing Tony! We actually would have great chemistry, if you think about it...**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Correction: we *will* have great chemistry.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You two and your creepy similarities *hearts***  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Shut up.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Shut up.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes dears.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I don't mean to give any advantage to any competition (**Mercedes**), but I will be auditioning with "Somewhere". I reveal this only because it is such a challenging song that no one but me (and Kurt) has the talent to attempt it.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Speaking of audition songs, and I have no worries due to my unique range, I need your permission.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> For?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm the Greatest Star**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Do Barbra proud. If you don't, I'll cut off your testicles.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Believe me, I know.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Could you do me a favor and leave those where they are? I rather like them.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I'm gonna *not* read what you just said, but, dude, Kurt is *so* red right now.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Rachel, do me a favor and remove his? Saves me the work of doing it myself when I could be rehearsing to attempt the seminal and semi-autobiographical classic.

**Kurt Hummel **posted to **Artie Abram's Wall** Dear Artie, I am also a firm believer in colorblind and nontraditional casting. Yes, this is my theatrical way of telling you that I was in fact spying on your session with our directors.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> likes this**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Did they say anything about me?**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> How did you even know when or where it was?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I have my ways.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Did they say anything about me?**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> I do agree with Miss Pillsbury as to the 'poet' comment... and, to be quite honest, Coach's comment kind of made me want to vomit.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I understand perfectly... perhaps even better. Of course, I was too focused on the potential effects her comment and ideals could have on my probability of getting the role.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Did they say anything about *me*?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Trust me when I say that 'delicate' is not a word I would use lightly.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> Should I be scared for my life? or becoming a quadriplegic?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'll get back to you on that :)**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> DID THEY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT *ME*?

**Rachel Berry** posted to **Kurt Hummel's Wall** Well, that could have gone... better.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> and **Artie Abrams** like this.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever heard Rachel be anything other than grotesquely optimistic.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> And if that doesn't just put the cap on my shitty day!**  
>Puck DaBadass<strong> Woah, Hummel swears?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Aww, babe, what happened?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Later.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> It would have been better if you'd kissed her.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Finn would have kicked my ass!**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> ... That's the real reason, I'm sure.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You act like I've never kissed a girl before.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> You have?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You *have*!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Yes, Brittany. Another conversation we will have *later*.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> You two did have chemistry though... as weird as it sounds.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I TOLD YOU WE WOULD!**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> It would have been better if you'd done something from West Side Story instead of it's roots.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Oh, God. You did Romeo & Juliet? How does tights make *anyone* seem less gay? (**Artie Abrams** likes this)**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> Exactly.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, wonderful boyfriend of mine :(**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Sorry, babe *hearts***  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Vum-vum-vum-vummmmmm, vum-vum-vum-vummmmmm.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> You're never going to let me forget that, are you?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Nope. It seems to be the best way to remind you that everyone does dumb things, without completely obviously writing 'don't you want me, baby'.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yeah, thanks for bringing that up too.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> Not to interrupt the lovers'... quarrel, everything will be fine. I'll put in a good word for you, I know you can act... :(**  
>Kurt Hummel <strong>Thanks, Artie.

**Kurt Hummel** posted to **Finn Hudson's** **Wall** She's riiiight. Yes, I was completely spying on you at the garage... apparently dressed like I own a magic chocolate factory. But she *is* right. And by she, I mean Rachel. Yes, I'm agreeing with Rachel. Doomsday has come.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> and **Rachel Berry** like this**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I'm always right.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I thought we weren't commenting around the house or posting on each others' walls.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm at Tina's, sweetie. She wanted a half-makeover, and I was more than happy to oblige. Haven't you noticed the tone-down in her wardrobe lately?**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> No. Dude, I don't want to audition for NYADA.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Of course you haven't. Anyway, that's not what she's right about. She's right that you probably wouldn't be happy staying in Lima and taking over Hummel Tires and Lube. You've never wanted to be a Lima Loser. What changed?**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I'm starting to reevaluate what a Lima Loser is. People are perfectly happy in Lima, people with smaller dreams than you and Rach.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> 'Reevaluate'. I'm so proud. Do you promise not to chuck the SAT study guide at the wall next time? I think it dented.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> No.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Fine. Back to topic. You may not be a city-boy, but I know that you don't want to be in Lima the rest of your life.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Is this a conversation we can have in private?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> No. I'm waiting for Rachel to back me up here.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I support every word you've said.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Thank you. Anyway, consider your options, Finn. Just think about it.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I hate it when you say that. I can never get what you tell me to 'think about' out of my head!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> That's kind of the point.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That's all I could get out of this episode. A lot of personal drama, not a lot of group. I'm going to have *fuuuun* with the next episode. Anyway, all the NYADA information is *real* I looked up the audition dates and everything (I'm that sad). I'm not really following canon as far as what goes on on what day, if that makes sense. I stuck a night between Kurt spying and that Romeo & Juliet thing. (and I insert characters when I feel like it. Since you guys got to know them before this was any sort of canon, I'm not really worried).  
><strong>

**Also, if any of you guys are my Meet the Warblers readers, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! That story hasn't been updated in over two months and I feel really bad! This chapter has been so hard to write and I have so much going on outside FF right now! Even now, at 1:16 in the morning, I have more things to do! It's crazy! Please, bear with me. A long chapter should be up by this weekend.**

**Reviews are Love.**


	6. Asian F

**Santana Lopez** All right losers. Fine. Have it your way. I'm back.**  
>Rachel Berry, Brittany Pierce,<strong> and **2 others** like this.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> We could really use your voice Santana. You aren't good enough to best me for Maria (no one is), but you would make a wonderful Anita if you set your mind to it. I mean, she ends up bitter and loveless.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> What's that supposed to mean, Willow?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Rachel, shut up**.  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I didn't mean that would happen to Santana. I just meant that bitter is an attitude she could play well considering she spends 99% of her time insulting the rest of the world to cover up her own shortcomings.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> I will *cut you* (**Mercedes Jones** likes this)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> What does that even mean?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Cram it, Hobbit.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> All of you shut up. Santana, I'm glad you're back in the club, but don't you dare talk to my boyfriend like that. Rachel, shut your voluminous trap, you're not helping. Babe, shut up.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes, dear.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Whipped.

**Mike Chang** Booty camp was intense yesterday. Most improved: **Quinn Fabray**.**  
>Quinn Fabray<strong> likes this**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> I think she's pregnant. I mean, it'd be easy to hide on her**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Watch it, bitch.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> I'm not pregnant, Satan. If anyone's in danger of that, it's you**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Please. Stereotypically overweight African-American boyfriends with pathetic half-moustaches are the best baby daddies.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Don't you talk about Shane like that!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> We all know they don't know how to use a condom, and neither do the fat, recently de-virginized, if the rumors I hear are true**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> You can cram your rumors up your ass, Santana, or is it already full?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> ¡Cállate, perra, te voy a eliminar al estilo de Lima Heights Adjacent! ¡No sabes con quién estás hablando!**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Too desperate to speak English, that's just sad.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Both of you stop it! This is detrimental to the team.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> You can cram your team up your ass Berry. I'm doing everything I can and no one seems to think it's enough!**  
>Mike Chang<strong> Everyone's working their hardest, I think you three just need to relax.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Tell Mama Jones to relax, because I'm fine!

**Mercedes Jones** and **Kurt Hummel  
>Kurt Hummel<strong>: Are you okay, Merce? You've been... all over the place this week.**  
>Mercedes Jones:<strong> How's that your business?**  
>Kurt Hummel: <strong>We've been best friends for two years?**  
>Mercedes Jones:<strong> Yeah, you weren't acting very best friend like standing up for me at booty camp?**  
>Kurt Hummel: <strong>What was I supposed to say, Cedes?**  
>Mercedes Jones:<strong> Plus, we all know Rachel's your new 'bestie', and she's my competition.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong>: Rachel could never replace you.**  
>Mercedes Jones:<strong> That's total shit, white boy, and we both know it. You both want to go to that same New York school and you're both going crazy over your WSS auditions.**  
>Kurt Hummel:<strong> It's important for our futures, but we're not a team for WSS. We would work just as well together!**  
>Mercedes Jones:<strong> Bullshit, we all know Rachel's so great because she has chemistry with *everyone*. Plus, if Rachel hasn't replaced me, Blaine certainly has.**  
>Kurt Hummel:<strong> We agreed boys would never change us, but now you're accusing me of leaving you for Blaine, and you're letting Shane come between not only you and Rachel, not only you and I, but you and the entire team.**  
>Mercedes Jones:<strong> Why do you automatically think Shane's behind this?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong>: Because he *knows* you're a star, just like I do, but he doesn't know what it feels like to be a star and he's giving you the wrong ideas.**  
>Mercedes Jones:<strong> You don't know shit about him. And who was sitting beside Quinn and Santana, only one seat from me sitting all alone today?**  
>Kurt Hummel:<strong> Mercy, I'm allowed to have other friends. I'm trying to help.**  
>Mercedes Jones: <strong>Well, you know what? You're not. So stop.**  
>Kurt Hummel:<strong> Fine, Merce.

**Santana Lopez** wants to let all you home bitches know that **Brittany Pierce** is in this race for real. In six years at William McKinley High School, we've only ever had male Student Council Presidents. Let's get a little girl power back in this place! The one and only Brittany will be doing a flash mob assembly in the gym tomorrow after school. Be there.

**Kurt Hummel** posted to **Rachel Berry**'s **Wall **This flash mob of Brittany's could *ruin* me, Rachel. I can't even do a counterattack and assemble the guys because I'm barely *counted* as a guy!  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> You could just withdraw now...**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Not a chance, Santana. Kurt *will* win this race, and we will got to NYADA and be superstars, while you live in Tribeca with your closet-case girlfriend.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Unless, of course, Brittany wins. Then it looks like you're flying solo, dwarf.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> She's right. I hate her, but she's right. Maria could make or break you too, Rachel.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Yes, but I will *kill* at callbacks with Out Here on My Own, and there's nothing to worry about.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Except for poor, little Kurty :S**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> What's that?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> It's a smirk, Hobbit.

**Rachel Berry** with an audition update.  
>Tony: <strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> and **Kurt Hummel**  
>Maria: my wonderful self and <strong>Mercedes Jones<strong>  
>Riff: <strong>Mike Chang<br>Mercedes Jones** who will be Maria, and we all know Blaine's gonna be Tony. Hummel's kidding himself.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, so it's Hummel now, Jones? Good to know.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Rachel, are these updates entirely necessary? All they seem to do is spark more enmity within the club.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> It's important to keep careful track of your known competition.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> ... right.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I just hope this won't spark tensions between the two of you. It would be such a shame for your relationship to crash-and-burn over a role.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I assure you our relationship will be fine, but I doubt you'd be too disappointed that you and Finn would become the power couple again.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> We've always been the power couple. You two are just cute.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> ... right.

**Rachel Berry** posted to **Kurt Hummel**'s **Wall** You just had to prove me wrong, didn't you?**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> likes this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> They had nothing to do with proving you wrong. I wanted to congratulate my boyfriend on getting the role of Tony.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> For the record, nothing's set in stone. A lot depends on the Maria.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Artie, shut up. You told me yourself that Blaine was going to be Tony.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> It wasn't something you were supposed to *share*.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I told him I had a mole in the casting office. I didn't say it was you, you forced my hand.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> For the record, moles aside, I thought it was very sweet :)**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Your welcome.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Freakin' roses.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Even color-appropriate ones. Yellow as an apology and red for love *hearts***  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Of course.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> :) *hearts***  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Gag me.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> ... Moment gone.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Good.

**Kurt Hummel** Oh the betrayal. Never ceases to feel like a dagger to the heart or Fisher King's wound that never heals. Perhaps even just as painful.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> NYADA is just as important to me as it is to you, and this presidency will better my chances! I told you I would make you VP.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> We've already discussed this, Rachel. I have nothing more to say to you.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I'm not tossing you aside, Kurt. I care about you. You're just as ambitious as I am, we've talked about this. This will be better for both of us by lowering Brittany's lead.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I am nowhere near as ambitious as you. You know what? I'm okay with that, because it means I put my friends and family above my ego and *one* school. The fact that you can't do that doesn't make you ambitious. It makes you selfish.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Kurt, we've always had a rocky relationship, this is just a bump in the road. We can make a change together! Both at McKinley and at NYADA!**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> There's no 'we' in this Rachel, not anymore.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Woah, what happened here?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Rachel is running against me for Senior Class President.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> ... Low blow, Rach.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> It's the best for both of us! Kurt just needs to accept that we can still be a team as competitors. We always have been.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'll say it again. 'Whatever it takes' to beat you, Rachel.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Rachel, you don't even need it since Mercedes quit the double-casting. Be realistic.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You're not going to change my mind on this. Whatever it takes.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Whatever it takes.

**Artie Abrams** West Side Story Auditions 2011 Thank you to all of those who auditioned. We are pleased to announce the following roles have been cast:  
>Maria...Rachel Berry<br>Tony...Blaine Anderson  
>Anita...Santana Lopez<br>Riff...Mike Chang  
>Officer Krupke. . . .Kurt Hummel<strong><br>Rachel Berry** likes this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Congratulations, Blaine :)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> And to you too. Have to point out: not manly enough to be Tony (who's been played by gay actors for nearly as long as West Side Story has run), but instead the burly asshole of a police officer?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Don't make this worse.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Sorry :( *hearts***  
>Artie Abrams<strong> Please don't comment on our decisions. They're final.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> I hope you're happy, Rachel.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Yeah, bitches!**  
>Mike Chang<strong> Thanks, Artie.**  
>Tina Cohen-Chang<strong> You did it, Mike.**  
>Mike Chang<strong> Yeah. Now I have to tell my father.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Congratulations Rachel, Santana, Mike.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Congratulations Blaine. Congratulations Kurt. (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Santana Berry<strong> Congrats Gay 1, Gay 2, Willow, Other Asian.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Congrats guys :)**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> I can't believe you didn't try out, Finn. Why?**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> None of your business.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Finn...**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Congrats, little bro.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Congrats, Sanny! I'm so proud of you *hearts* (**Santana Lopez** likes this)

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I apologize that this took forever. Finding episodes has been a big problem for me, so I've gotten way behind. A lot of this will be written and posted during the small hiatus. Pot 'o Gold is already done.**

**Reviews are Love.**


	7. Pot o' Gold

**Brittany Pierce** is now friends with **Rory Flanagan.  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> likes this**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Britt, are you friending people you don't know again? A lot of them accept because they think you're pretty. Don't you remember Achmed Mohamed?**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Sanny, don't be silly. Rory lives with me. He's magical.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Brittany, do your parents know you've invited a magical boy to live with you?**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Of course. They imported him in from Ireland for me. Don't tell anyone, but he's a leprechaun.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Okay. How about we have a girls night?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Sweet Valley High?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Of course, Britt.

**Jacob Ben Israel** Leading in the polls today is one Brittany Susan Pierce, with 58% of the vote. Behind her is the lovely and talented Miss Rachel Berry with 25% of the vote. Third is Kurt Elizabeth Hummel with 13% of the vote. Last is Rick "the Stick" Nelson, with 4% of the vote.**  
>Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, <strong>and** 439 others** like this.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Yeah, suck a dick, bitches. There's no way you're getting ahead of my Brittany. She's a national icon, who's been in Teen Vogue and American Cheerleader. You suckers don't have a chance. WHO RUN THE WORLD?**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> BRITTANY!**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> May I just point out that I have gained an admirable lead considering I entered the race rather late. I, also, am a girl and would break the rather unfortunate chain of male Student Council Presidents.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> You hardly count, man-hands.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Besides, all you're doing is taking points away from unicorn :( (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)**  
>Stick Nelson<strong> WHOO! I'm totally going to win this!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Fuck off, biceps for brains. You're last.

**Sue Sylvester for Congress** Throwing away expired food is a waste of our resources! Weevils are good nutrition! The budget for a gag-inducing show tune filled musical that qualifies as a disgustingly gay endorsement of racism and student-to-student violence packed with suggestive dance movements that act as a catalyst to every rampant teenage hormone is more than that of the Cheerios, who promote unity and a healthy image. People wonder why the Chinese are ahead of us, I say it's because they don't waste their time of frivolities.

**Kurt Hummel** The musical is now back on, thanks to a generous donation by the owners of Lima's three funeral parlors. West Side Story will proceed as planned.**  
>Maria Berry<strong> likes this**  
>Maria Berry<strong> That's fantastic, Kurt. Now you've given me the opportunity to show our school what true talent is, rather than those washed-up and sloppily choreographed Cheerios routines everyone considers amazing.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Why haven't I blocked you yet? Oh, and I would change your name back. Makes you sound like even more of a narcissistic bitch. I didn't even think that was possible.

**Finn Hudson** is now friends with **Rory Flanagan**.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> likes this.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Who the hell is this boy that keeps popping up all over my Facebook feed?**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> He's a foreign exchange student, and eh's thinking of joining Glee club. After all, Mercedes is gone, so we could use a new member. We can't really afford to lose any others, which is why this fundraising is so good for us right? Supporting the team?**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Right.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Rory, Finn doesn't get to share any of your magic, does he?  
><strong>Rory Flanagan<strong> No, Brittany.**  
>Brittany Piece<strong> Good. You should come into my room tonight, and we can watch more movies curled up on my bed, all right?  
><strong>Rory Flanagan<strong> Sure, m'lady. Did you like your Lucky Charms?**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> I loved them! Two more wishes to my pot of gold!**  
>Rory Flanagan<strong> Finn, I thought you said it can take years for guys to be friends on Facebook.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> Consider it my little welcome to America! dude.**  
>Rory Flanagan<strong> Oh, and I heard something.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> You need to learn about time and place.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Isn't Finn Hudson Irish? (**Rory Flanagan **likes this)

**Blaine Anderson** And the award for the World's Biggest Unintentional Dumbass goes to: me!  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> likes this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Finn.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Thanks to *your* boyfriend, who *you* recruited to the New Directions in a stupid fit of insecurity and mistrust, we've now lost *three* members.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Insecurity and mistrust?**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> If I recall correctly, Rachel, *you* are the one who pushed Mercedes out of the group. *I* tried to reach out to her, but she felt so betrayed that I had lifted one eyebrow in the direction of your flat butt and scraggly hair that she refused to talk to me.**  
>Artie Abrams <strong>Mercedes leaving was no one's fault. We tried to make the casting as fair as possible for everyone, but Mercedes wasn't willing to share the spotlight like Rachel was.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, so the *one* time in her life Rachel decides to share the spotlight, she becomes a frickin' saint! How about all the rest of the times she bitched and whined that she wasn't the central focus? Like Sectionals, to name one. Of course, it's hard to name any others, because she only shares the spotlight if she's forced to, and Mr. Schuester doesn't understand what the word impartial means.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You're just jealous because whenever we have competed, you *lost*. You refuse to admit that I deserve the spotlight because you refuse to admit that I'm more talented than you are.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> No, I actually put the people I love above my solo count. Forgive me.  
>Speaking of solo counts, Rachel's: 11, not even counting the solos she's gotten in group numbers.<br>Mine: 5.  
>Mercedes': 7.<br>Santana's: 5.  
>Brittany's: 1.<br>Can't you see how you're the one to blame for this, Rachel?  
><strong>Brittany<strong> **Pierce** Stop the violence!**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> Maybe if you four had the talent to measure up to mine, you would have more solos. As is, the solo count is split perfectly fair by talent.**  
>Tina Cohen-Chang<strong> Guys, stop it. Everyone in our club is really talented.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Maybe *you* should get your so-full-of-hot-air-I'm-surprised-it-hasn't-floated-away head out of your *ass* and realize that Santana could have done most of your solos equally as well, as I could have. Mercedes probably could have done *better*.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> I don't see why you're including yourself in this. Are you thinking of joining the all girl's group, Kurt?  
><strong>Mercedes Jones<strong> Now, **Santana**, **Brittany**, aren't you glad you don't have to deal with this crap anymore? (**Santana Lopez** and **Brittany Pierce** like this)  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> I apologize for starting this war (both in real life and here). I was just trying to apologize for being a clueless moron and setting off the Santana-bomb, but, as **Finn** stated, we shouldn't turn on each other. Even if he's a little bit of a hypocrite.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> You should apologize. If anyone's to blame for Santana leaving, it's you!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> And if anyone's to blame for Brittany leaving, it's not the leprechaun shit, but Finn calling my girl an idiot. Just sayin'**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> I'm not entirely sure what 'hypocrite' means, but you need to stop trying to push your way into the club. The only person that wants you around is Kurt.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> That's not true, Finn. As angry as I am with Blaine for what happened with Santana, he's a valuable asset to our group.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> 'Asset'. Not 'personality'. Not 'person'. *Asset*. As in, you're nothing without your voice.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> Well, you certainly didn't seem angry with me when I was singing, Rachel. You couldn't have predicted this would happen either, so maybe you should stop pretending you're such a know-it-all, considering you 'only have the best interests of the team at heart'.**  
>Finn Hudson<strong> You're one to talk about being a know-it-all.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> And you're one to talk about being an idiot.**  
>Artie Abrams<strong> Right now neither of you are one to talk about being a leader.**  
>Tina Cohen-Chang <strong>STOP FIGHTING! ALL OF YOU! NONE OF YOU ARE HELPING THE SITUATION, AND IF YOU'RE DOING ANYTHING YOU'RE GIVING SANTANA, MERCEDES, AND BRITTANY EVEN MORE REASONS NOT TO COME BACK!

**Burt Hummel for Congress** Art, music, theater, and dance all encourage creativity, and for our future to be a success we're going to need creative solutions. I'm a sports man, that's for sure, and I appreciate Sue's attempts to encourage sports, but not at the expense of the arts. Music and junk do so much more, encouraging bonding and trust, a feeling of commitment and responsibility to a goal. Glee club and other things like it *save lives*. I would know, it saved my son's. Sue Sylvester is a visionary, but she sees the world from one perspective, and everyone's guilty of that. I find having a kid changes that. You start seeing the world from theirs. Don't let Sue change our kids' perspective. Write-in Burt Hummel.

**Sugar Motta** is now friends with **Mercedes Jones,** **Santana Loepz,** and **Brittany Pierce**.**  
>Sugar Motta,<strong> **Santana Lopez**, and **5 others** like this**  
>Sugar Motta<strong> We're gonna be trouble!**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> We're gonna kill this thing!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> We're gonna crush the New Directions!**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> Give it up from The Troubletones!**  
>Sugar Motta<strong> And I totally love having queens around, so **Kurt** should definitely join.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> I love my unicorn!**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Kurt's a queer, not a chick.**  
>Mercedes Jones<strong> And he's not invited.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Wasn't interested. Must say, a great first song for an 'all girl power, all the time' group is about a man that has complete control over females (**Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson**, and **6 others** like this)

**Sue Sylvester for Congress** Burt Hummel has a baboon heart, but he opened my eyes to the true reason I am running: special education programs. My opponent and I are associated with the same public high school, a school that has no special education programs or special education teachers. If you believe special education should take priority over flying twelve kids to New York City to lose a competition, vote for Sue Sylvester.

**Rory Flanagan** is now friends with **Rachel Berry, Blaine Anderson**, and **6 others**.**  
><strong>

**Rachel Berry** **Rory** has one of the most amazing and unique voices I've heard in my entire career, and I'm honored to officially welcome him ot the New Directions.**  
>Blaine Anderson, Finn Hudson<strong>, and **5 others** like this.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> Yeah, he sure is something.**  
>Rory Flanagan<strong> Thanks guys. When I came to America I was really worried I wouldn't fit in, because I have the tendency to chatter a lot and reveal really personal things like how I accidentally told Finn I was a virgin about five seconds after I met him. I'm really glad you guys are so open and diverse, and *I'm* honored to be a part of that.**  
>Blaine Anderson<strong> ... and I thought *I* had a bad case of word vomit.**  
>Santana Lopez <strong>Just what the New Directions needs: another virgin with no sex appeal.**  
>Brittany Pierce<strong> Sanny, I wish you'd stop being so mean. Kurt and everyone are our friends. I mean this like a real wish, not a leprechaun-one.**  
>Rory Flanagan<strong> I'm really sorry about that. I was really just trying to be closer to you because you're an amazing person, Brittany, and I went about it in the wrong way.**  
>Santana Lopez<strong> Notice the virgin everyone calls out is **Kurt Hummel** :S  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Wow, I thought they were exaggerating, but you really are a cold-blooded bitch.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Is that really a newsflash to you, Hobbit?  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Ignoring the really immature and unnecessary war above (some of us are proud to be virgins), I was really impressed with your range, Rory. Countertenors are extremely rare.  
><strong>Sugar Motta<strong> I'm beginning to think Kurt really *would* be better off in our all-girls group with all the love you guys show him.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Well, no offense intended, but Kurt's voice isn't exactly swoon-worthy.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Whereas you looked about ready to fall all over Rory's feet like a horny lapdog.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> So did your boyfriend.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Frigid in all sorts of ways... I feel bad for Anderson's balls, and Hudson's too.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I think Rory joining the club really did for us what Last Friday Night was intended to do. It reminded us of the true meaning of Glee club, and our united struggle to be the best. Rory is as much of an underdog as any of us, and we of all people should have treated him better.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Yeah, we clearly learned our lesson about treating people better. Notice: our three missing members.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, helloFinchelfan01** **ordered some Finchel fluff. Unfortunately, that doesn't really work out with this chapter (there isn't really *any* fluff in this chapter. The New Directioneers were not nice to each other). Next chapter, however, will be The First Time: Finchel's Story. I decided to split up Finchel and Klaine because there's so much going on there. Also, I just r****eally like my pairings separate.**

**I found a great site for the episodes and have already downloaded up to I Kissed a Girl, so expect more frequent updates.**

**Reviews are Love.**


	8. The First Time: The Finchel Story

**Rachel Berry** Two days until the opening of West Side Story and my lovely Tony (**Blaine Anderson**) and I are going to bring the house down!  
><strong>Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, <strong>and** 3 others** like this  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Who's house? And why would you want to bring it down?  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> It's an expression, Brittany.  
><strong>Artie Abrams<strong> Of course, I can't help but be apprehensive due to some.. issues we discussed.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> 'Issues', I might add, that are none of your business.  
><strong>Artie Abrams<strong> Someone's touchy about the subject.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I assure you that Blaine and I will be able to work on these... issues of which you speak, and appropriately play Maria and Tony to the fullest of our extent. (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Does anyone else get the feeling they missed something? (**Finn Hudson** likes this)  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Don't worry about it, Kurt *hearts*  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I have to ask why Blaine and I are still on book for some of the songs, Artie. I have known every note of West Side Story since I was one year old, and I'm sure Blaine has been training similarly, if not quite as extensively.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Such faith you have in me, Rach.

**Jacob Ben Israel** Two lovely ladies are tied for first place in the pools today. Both with 38% of the vote are **Brittany **Susan Pierce and Miss **Rachel Berry**. Following behind with 20% of the vote is **Kurt **'Elizabeth' Hummel. Last is Rick "**the Stick**" Nelson, with 4% of the vote, not changing an inch from last week.  
><strong>Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez<strong>, and **592 others** like this  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> You're going down so hard you'll rip out the knees of your schoolgirl stockings, Berry. (**Brittany Pierce**, **Sugar Motta**, and **134 others** like this)  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> There's no need to be afraid now that you have some real competition, Santana. Besides, it's not like I need this position, considering I have the lead role in the school musical and the hottest guy in school on my arm, whereas Brittany's fragile self-esteem would hang on this race if she weren't too confused to realize how important it is.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Stop the violence!  
><strong>Jacob Ben Israel<strong> I'm voting for you, Rachel. Also, I would strongly advise **the Stick Nelson** to drop out, considering how constantly low his poll number have been.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Thank you for your support.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Can't you all just picture the showbiz-ready smile that goes with that statement? (**Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce,** and **38 others** like this)  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> You're just jealous because I entered the race after you and am now ahead of you. Face it, my feminine wiles and sparkling personality simply awe the crowd.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I think your chest is a little too flat for 'feminine wiles'. (**the Stick Nelson, Santana Lopez**, and **15 others** like this)  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> If either of you makes one comment about my Brittany, I will take you to the carpet!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, so she's 'your Brittany', now?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Also, you're delusional if you think Frankenteen's the hottest guy in school, Berry.

**Ohio State University **Coach Cooter Menkins will represent the Buckeyes at **William McKinley High school **on Friday, November 4th. The team is looking for recruits for the following positions: Quarterback, Halfback, Running Back, Wide Receiver, Guard, Linebacker, and Kicker. Play your best, gentleman.  
><strong>Finn Hudson, Azimio Adams,<strong> and **34 others** like this.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> We gotta do out best Friday night, guys, or we're missing out on a big opportunity.  
><strong>Puck Badass<strong> You better bring your A-game, Finny, or we're all going down. (**Azimio Adams, Shane '56' Tinsley,** and **10 others** like this)  
><strong>Shane '56' Tinesly<strong> We're all depending on you, man. Don't mess it up.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> You can count on me, guys.

**Rachel Berry** posted to **Finn Hudson**'s **Wall** Tonight, tonight, it all began tonight, I saw you and the world went away! Tonight, tonight, there's only you tonight, what you are, what you do, what you say!  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> likes this  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Wanky  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> I speak from experience: gross.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Ignore them Finn, I'm so excited for our romantic dinner by candlelight tonight. I'll be over at six. Also, you can't even marry your first cousin in Kentucky.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> I have everything just as you like it (**Rachel Berry **likes this)  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Wanky  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> As long as everything is vegan and nonalcoholic, it's fine by me :)  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Right..

**Rachel Berry** and **Finn Hudson  
>Rachel Berry<strong>: Hi.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong>: Finn?  
><strong>Rachel Berry:<strong> Finn, please talk to me.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Why should I? Gonna try to seduce me again so that you can be the perfect sexually-awakened Maria? You know what, I'm tired of your dreams being more important than us.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Finn, I wouldn't do this with anyone, and I *do* love you, and I *do* want to be with you. This just gave me the extra push!  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> You shouldn't *need* an extra push! I should be all you need.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> It's perfect and wonderful and *right*, between us, and you know it, Finn Hudson! What's a better time to do it than right now?  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> How about after opening night?  
>Finn Hudson is offline<p>

**Rachel Berry** "I have a love, and it's all that I have. Right or wrong, what else can I do? I love **Finn**, I'm his, and everything he is I am too."  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Is this some sort of messed up attempt to apologize? Because remembering what you did to be Maria isn't exactly helping.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, boy, what did Rachel do now?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Rachel, please tell me you didn't do anything rash as a result of our... conversation with our director, who needs to keep his nose out of other people's personal lives. Especially lives *that personal*!  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> You knew about this?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> I was there for the conversation, I didn't think she would actually attempt to.. remedy the issue.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Didn't you try to do the same thing?  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> You did what now?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> I was drunk...  
><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>I don't know who to be madder at! I do know which one of you I can hit though...

**Finn Hudson** posted to **Rachel Berry**'s** Wall** I love you.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> likes this  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I love you too *hearts*  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> All's well that ends well? (**Rachel Berry** like this)  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Still mad at you for making my little brother upset dude.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm not upset anymore *hearts*

**Artie Abrams** And that's a wrap! Fantastic show, everyone, we've had a wonderful run. Special thanks to **Rachel Berry** and **Blaine Anderson** who, against all odds, were the perfect Tony and Maria.  
><strong>Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel,<strong> and** 17 others** like this  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> "Against all odds.." *rolls eyes*  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Love you too, butthead  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Special thanks from Blaine and I to the people that gave us our inspiration, our respective soul mates, **Kurt Hummel** and **Finn Hudson** (**Blaine Anderson** and **Kurt Hummel **like this)  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> I love you too, Rachel  
><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>Will you four stop your blubbering on our post? Oh, and thanks to ME! director.  
><strong>Artie Abrams<strong> Thanks also to Santana Lopez (who scares me)


	9. The First Time: The Klaine Story

**A/N: Some of this is recycled from last chapter (just to keep things making sense,) but a lot of it's new.**

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Two days until the opening of West Side Story and my lovely Tony (**Blaine Anderson**) and I are going to bring the house down!  
><strong>Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, <strong>and** 3 others** like this  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Who's house? And why would you want to bring it down?  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> It's an expression, Brittany.  
><strong>Artie Abrams<strong> Of course, I can't help but be apprehensive due to some.. issues we discussed.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> 'Issues', I might add, that are none of your business.  
><strong>Artie Abrams<strong> Someone's touchy about the subject.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I assure you that Blaine and I will be able to work on these... issues of which you speak, and appropriately play Maria and Tony to the fullest of our extent. (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Does anyone else get the feeling they missed something? (**Finn Hudson** likes this)  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Don't worry about it, Kurt :)  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I have to ask why Blaine and I are still on book for some of the songs, Artie. I have known every note of West Side Story since I was one year old, and I'm sure Blaine has been training similarly, if not quite as extensively.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Such faith you have in me, Rach.

**Jacob Ben Israel** Two lovely ladies are tied for first place in the pools today. Both with 38% of the vote are **Brittany **Susan Pierce and Miss **Rachel Berry**. Following behind with 20% of the vote is **Kurt **'Elizabeth' Hummel. Last is Rick "**the Stick**" Nelson, with 4% of the vote, not changing an inch from last week.  
><strong>Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez<strong>, and **592 others** like this  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> You're going down so hard you'll rip out the knees of your schoolgirl stockings, Berry. (**Brittany Pierce**, **Sugar Motta**, and **134 others** like this)  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> There's no need to be afraid now that you have some real competition, Santana. Besides, it's not like I need this position, considering I have the lead role in the school musical and the hottest guy in school on my arm, whereas Brittany's fragile self-esteem would hang on this race if she weren't too confused to realize how important it is.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Stop the violence!  
><strong>Jacob Ben Israel<strong> I'm voting for you, Rachel. Also, I would strongly advise **the Stick Nelson** to drop out, considering how constantly low his poll numbers have been.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Thank you for your support.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Can't you all just picture the showbiz-ready smile that goes with that statement? (**Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce,** and **38 others** like this)  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> You're just jealous because I entered the race after you and am now ahead of you. Face it, my feminine wiles and sparkling personality simply awe the crowd.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I think your chest is a little too flat for 'feminine wiles'. (**the Stick Nelson, Santana Lopez**, and **15 others** like this)  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> If either of you makes one comment about my Brittany, I will take you to the carpet!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Oh, so she's 'your Brittany', now?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Also, you're delusional if you think Frankenteen's the hottest guy in school, Berry.

**Blaine Anderson** and **Sebastian Smythe **are now friends.

**Sebastian Smythe** posted to **Blaine Anderson**'s** Wall** We absolutely have to meet for coffee this week. I have plenty more Paris stories to tell you.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> like this  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> So is your living in Paris the reason we ended up serenading a French teacher a few days ago?  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> Call that coincidence, if you will. We vowed to serenade the first teacher who came to tell us to be quiet. Luckily, it happened to be a female teacher.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> I would ask if you would have serenaded a male teacher with 'Uptown Girl', but I already know the answer to that.  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> Of course! And you're partly to blame for this, Mr. Anderson.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Yes, but she can't suspend *me*  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> I believe I forgot to RSVP to your invitation, which is of course a 'yes'. I wouldn't miss it for the world.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> I believe you already did mention it. "Once a Warbler, always a Warbler."  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Isn't that the truth.

**Kurt Hummel** posted to **Blaine Anderson**'s **Wall **So what exactly does being adventerous imply?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> likes this  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Bored in the bedroom already?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Ignoring Santana, I think we should deviate a little from the bucket list. Too much like planning. Have coffee with me on Tuesday, there's someone I want you to meet.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Threesome? Wanky!

**Sebastian Smythe** and **Kurt Hummel** are now friends.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>likes this

**Sebastian Smythe** posted to **Kurt Hummel**'s **Wall** So, get any firsts crossed off your list last night, Kurt? You and Blaine looked pretty... close when you were leaving.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> You planned this, didn't you?  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> Did I plan to get a drunk Blaine to try and jump your bones? No. Would I have, if I could have? Of course. This is better than I ever could have planned.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> What the hell is wrong with you? Besides the fact that you're trying to jump a committed man?  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> What, you can't even use the word 'sex'? What a cute little virgin. Too bad you'll never get the chance to loose that curse, since I plan to steal your one and only hope.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Keep your meerkat paws OFF of my boyfriend.  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> The only thing I don't understand is: if he's a horny drunk, why would he want to jump you over *me*.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Can't face the fact that I'm hotter than you?  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> Oh, please.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Than why am *I* the one that Blaine wants?

**Kurt Hummel** and **David Karofksy** are now friends.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> does not particularly like this at all.  
><strong>Sebastian Smythe<strong> Speaking of wanting...  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? HE THREATENED TO KILL YOU!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Finn, calm down.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> He did worse than that...  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Define worse.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Blaine, shut up. You have enough groveling to do already.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Do I need to cut you again, Karofsky?  
><strong>Mercedes Jones<strong> You take a step towards my boy, I will take you to the carpet.  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> Would you rather die or be a vegetable for the rest of your life? Your choice.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Guys, calm down. David's changed.  
><strong>Dave Karofksy<strong> I know I've done some horrible stuff, but that's all in the past. Kurt and I are totally cool now, right, Kurt? (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)  
><strong>Mercedes Jones<strong> What kind of crazy world am I living in?

**Blaine Anderson** posted to **Kurt Hummel**'s **Wall** Make of our hands one hand, make of our hearts one heart, make of our vows one last vow: only death will part us now.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> likes this  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I love you, so much.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> I love you too. You take my breath away.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> :) *hearts*  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Not to interrupt the romantic moment or anything, but does this mean you won't let me kill Blaine anymore?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Yes, that's exactly what it means. Go away.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> You officially killed the romantic moment.

**Artie Abrams** And that's a wrap! Fantastic show, everyone, we've had a wonderful run. Special thanks to **Rachel Berry** and **Blaine Anderson** who, against all odds, were the perfect Tony and Maria.  
><strong>Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel,<strong> and** 17 others** like this  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> "Against all odds.." *rolls eyes*  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Love you too, butthead  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Special thanks from Blaine and I to the people that gave us our inspiration, our respective soul mates, **Kurt Hummel** and **Finn Hudson** (**Blaine Anderson** likes this)  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> I love you too, Rachel  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Will you four stop your blubbering on our post? Oh, and thanks to ME! director.  
><strong>Artie Abrams<strong> Thanks also to Santana Lopez (who scares me)


	10. Mash Off

**Puck DaBadass** went from being "single" to "it's complicated."  
><strong>Finn Hudson, Mike Chang, <strong>and** 4 others** like this**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> What's so complicated? Can't decide which hand to use? (**Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray**, and **16 others** like this)  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> Just because you're blue-ballin' Anderson, don't pin it on me.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Who said anything about blue balls? *wink* (**Santana Lopez**, **Brittany Pierce**, and **3 others **like this)  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> Damn. Go Anderson! (**Blaine Anderson** like this)  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Can we not talk about this? Like, ever?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Sorry, Finn. We still don't have an answer to Puck's masturbating conundrum.  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> I'm banging (or working on banging) the most amazing chick *ever*, Hummel. She just doesn't want to be seen with me.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Shocker. (**Santana Lopez,** **Quinn Fabray**, and **12 others** like this)  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> I'm totally willing to put in the work for this one. I'm in love.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Is she out of her mind?  
><strong>Quinn Fabray<strong> Are *you* out of your mind, Puck? (Not you, Kurt, honey) Your attentions should be focused elsewhere.**  
>Rachel Berry<strong> What are you two plotting? I don't like this.  
><strong>Quinn Fabray<strong> This is really none of your business, Berry. Why don't you keep your attentions on trying to beat people much more deserving out for class president? (**Kurt Hummel**, **Brittany Pierce, **and **Santana Lopez **like this)

**Finn Hudson** Class DISMISSED!  
><strong>Puck DaBadass, Blaine Anderson<strong>, and **6 others** like this  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> That was AWESOME dudes.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> We definitely need to do more numbers like that.  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang<strong> I'm sorry, Kurt. They've gotten to your boyfriend just like they got to mine. Expect to be ignored a lot in favor of 'bro-ments'.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I already resigned myself to dealing with them on a more regular basis, especially because Finn invites them over frequently.  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang<strong> I'm so sorry (**Quinn Fabray** and **Rachel Berry** like this)  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> Who's for doing Between the Sheets next week? (**Mike Chang **and **Finn Hudson** like this)  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> You guys can leave me out of that one… (**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

**Burt Hummel** I would like to address the slander to my campaign as of late. I recovered from my heart attack perfectly naturally (with the help of angioplasty), with much fretting from my son and friends, and did not receive the heart of a baboon. If you guys agree that politics shouldn't be bull designed to hurt other candidates, rather laws designed to help the people, send a message to Sue Sylvester and vote Burt Hummel!

**Jacob Ben Israel** The poll for the presidential candidacy remains stable, with Miss **Rachel Berry** and Miss **Brittany Pierce** remaining at 38% each, Mr (we assume) **Kurt Hummel** at 20%, and Rick** 'the Stick' b**at 4% of the votes. Hopefully, these will shift with the upcoming Presidential Debate Friday at 4 o'clock.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce, Rachel Berry,<strong> and **249 others** like this  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> There's no way Bobby-Sock Barbra Berry is going to beat out my Brittany. PIERCE FOR PRESIDENT!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> If *your* Brittany can even come up with logical answers at the debate, I'll be shocked. Wait until her palace of empty promises comes crashing down, Miss Lopez. It won't be a pretty sight.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> And Kurt's totally a Mr. FYI!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> BLAINE!  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Please, Hummel, stop trying to spread your bland rainbows all over everything and let the students have what they want!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> ROBOT TEACHERS! (**Finn Hudson, Puck DaBadass, **and** 38 others** like this)  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Because that seems likely. We don't even have the technology for that! Why don't you guys vote for something real?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Give it up, Hummel. You don't have the balls to be in a competition like this (if you have balls at all). Just give up now.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> You remind me more and more of Coach Sylvester every day. (**Quinn Fabray, Finn Hudson**, and **47 others** like this)  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> I don't take that as an insult.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I refuse to join in this childish slander.  
><strong>the Stick Nelson<strong> VOTE FOR THE STICK!  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Why does everyone seem convinced that my *boy*friend isn't male?

**Santana Lopez** A note to **Rachel **'Bobby-Socks'** Berry, Finn** 'the Whale'** Hudson, Blaine **'Bowtie' **Anderson**, **Kurt **'Castrato'** Hummel**, **Tina **'Incestuous #1'** Cohen-Chang**, **Mike **'Incestuous #2'** Chang, Quinn** 'the Cow' **Fabray**, **Artie **'the Crip'** Abrams, Puck** 'the Slut'** DaBadass**, and the Irish guy that no one can understand: We are going to crush you at the mash-up. Hate, Sanny.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Most letters are signed 'Love….'

**Quinn Fabray** Dear Miss **Santana Lopez,** Miss **Brittany Pierce**, Miss **Mercedes Jones,** and Miss **Sugar Motta, **sending hate letters is rather childish, and I assure you that we will compete fairly. Oh, and kick your butts. Love, Quinn.

**Kurt Hummel** posted to **Santana Lopez**'s **Wall** You really just don't have a line, do you? What the hell makes you think you're so much better than everyone else and can just treat them horribly? I'm about one more snide comment from *cutting* you, girl or not. Maybe you should just deal with your own damn insecurities and leave everyone else alone. What the hell has Finn ever done to you? What the hell has *Rory* ever done to you? You're just a horrible person, and whatever caused you to become such a bitch, you probably deserved it. And you definitely deserve the way that I'm going to cream your girlfriend at the debate, just for the New Directions.  
><strong>Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry<strong>, and **6 others** like this  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Wow, Hummel, I'm impressed. All that pent up rage from how prudish you're being with Blaine has finally exploded out in a bitch-rant.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE!  
><strong>Rory Flanagan<strong> Kurt, this is really nice of you.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Don't get the wrong idea, Irish.  
><strong>Rory Flanagan <strong>I'm not entirely sure what you mean…  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm sure Finn would be happy to inform you.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> For the record, Hummel, he totally called me an 'assless J-Lo' today, not that it's true.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> And that's nothing compared to what you've said to him (and to all of us over the years). You're a hypocritical bitch, and I can't wait to see someone cut you down to size.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> I know you're frustrated that I get more than you do, but yelling at me on Facebook probably won't make you feel better.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> For Pete's sake!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>Is that really all you have to say? You can't even come up with a good insult so you're coming back with the fact that I actually respect myself enough not to throw myself at every guy I meet?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Either you're just frigid, or you're as much of a hot mess under your shirt as Finn is.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Jesus, Kurt, just tell her!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Fine. This isn't something I wanted to announce on Facebook (or announce at all), but I'm not a virgin anymore. That's right, Lopez, Blaine and I are having hot, sweaty, *amazing* gay sex every single damn night, so you can take your prude comments and shove them straight up your well-used, stretched-out ****!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> :O  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> :O  
><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>:Q  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Finn, that's a Q, not an O.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> I'm vomiting, and so is my face.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Is there a smirk face?  
><strong>Puck DaBadass <strong>;^)  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong>;^)

**Burt Hummel** Once again, I would like to clear up the rumors that I am married to a donkey. I am married to a wonderful woman named Carole Hudson who is fully human. I am tolerant, however, of Miss Sylvester's comments because I would never want to stoop that low myself in order to win votes. Vote for the person for the people, not the one with the sharp tongue.

**Kurt Hummel** and **Finn Hudson**  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> What the hell is wrong with you? You do not out people in the middle of the hallway, no matter how horrible what they just said to you!  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> It's not like everyone hasn't known for years! All you have to do is watch them for five minutes, and you know they're a couple.**  
>Kurt Hummel<strong> You wouldn't understand, Finn. You could never understand. Everyone knew with me for years, but coming out was still terrifying, and you just spilled her out of the closet! She's going to have to deal with so much!  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Good! She's been tormenting me for years, let her feel the same.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> So you want people to slam her into lockers? Slushy her? Call her rude names? Throw pee balloons at her? Punch her in places that can't be noticed? Dump food on her in the cafeteria? Back her into a corner and play 'Smear the Queer'? All those things that you did to me, you want that to happen to her. If you do, you're not the man I thought you were, Finn Hudson.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> No, not that stuff. Just the names and stuff.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> That's what's going to happen, and you know that Finn. I cannot believe that you would do something like this.

**Jacob Ben Israel** In an amazing turn, Miss **Rachel Berry** has dropped out of the race and pledged her allegiance to Mr. (confirmed now) **Kurt Hummel**. This caused a complete reorganization of the polls, leaving Rick '**the Stick**' Nelson still last, with 6% of the vote, **Kurt Hummel** a close second with 40% of the vote, and Miss **Brittany Pierce** still in the lead with 52% of the vote.  
><strong>Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, <strong>and** 348 others** like this  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Vote **Kurt Hummel** for something real, something attainable, and something that helps us all! (**Kurt Hummel**, **Blaine Anderson,** and **37 others** like this)  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> PIERCE FOR PRESIDENT! Make tornadoes illegal at McKinley and get to see a hot pair of real boobs.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I'm sure they're about as real as yours, Santana "Sandbags" Lopez.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Kurt Hummel, whipping out the vitriol at last. Turns out all you needed to dislodge the stick up your ass was for it to be replaced by Blaine's dick!  
><strong>the Stick Nelson<strong> VOTE FOR THE STICK!

**Kurt Hummel** posted to **Rachel Berry**'s** Wall** Such a drama queen, yet such a wonderful person.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> like this  
><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>I missed you, Kurt, more than I could possibly say, and we're going to be amazing in New York together, I know it.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Rachel Berry, will you... be my roommate at NYADA?  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> How could I say no to an offer like that? (**Kurt Hummel** likes this)  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Keep that promise in mind when I use you ruthlessly as my campaign slave, Miss Rachel Barbra Berry.

**Sugar Motta **Please tell me I'm not the only one shocked by Santana today! What the hell was up with her?  
><strong>Mercedes Jones, Brittany Pierce, <strong>and **13 others** like this  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Finn deserved it. Trust me.  
><strong>Mercedes Jones<strong> How is *everyone* going to find out that Santana and Brittany are... y'know, Santana and Brittany?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> One of my father's competitors found out and is trying to use that fact against Sue on a campaign ad. This is the kind of thing that happens when a campaign does negative.  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang<strong>Poor Santana.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I know. Believe me, I know.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I solemnly swear to you that 90% of this story will be written before the two-hour special. REVIEWS ARE LOVE.**


	11. I Kissed a Dolphin

**Santana Lopez** Let it be known that I am a *firm* believer in the use of blackmail, but I am *so* not happy with Tubbs the Clown and his plot to get me to 'embrace my awesomeness'.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> like this  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> You don't have to be happy about it, Santana, you just have to do it.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Where the hell did you learn manipulating anyway? Even I couldn't have passed that off as a stage slap.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Maybe you shouldn't contradict the lie I'm telling to our principal on Facebook.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> The Figgle can't friend us on here, it's like the ultimate opportunity for perving.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> And to answer your question, Santana, he lives with *me*, remember?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Touche, King Bitch Hummel. Touche.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Thank you Queen Bitch Lopez.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I for one fully encourage and endorse the idea of rival clubs coming together in a time of crisis in order to support one another, and then being able to compete at a later date.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> So is that our explanation for why you dated St. James? (**Santana Lopez** likes this)

**Jacob Ben Israel** The polls once again have taken a dramatic turn. Miss **Brittany Pierce**'s lead has increased, though her overall poll numbers have gone down. Rick "**the Stick**" Nelson's poll number has improved dramatically due to pity votes resulting from his head injury, and the polls now stand as following: Brittany Susan Pierce with 48%, **Kurt Hummel** with 31%, and the Stick Nelson with 21%. May the best candidate (Brittany) win.

**Santana Lopez**, **the Stick Nelson,** and** 683 others** like this  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Farewell to an impartial newspaper!  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I think it became clear where Jacob's allegiances lie when he asked you for your concession speech earlier.  
><strong>the Stick Nelson<strong> He asked me for something like that to! I just wasn't sure what concede meant.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> Ladies and gentlemen, our deserving candidate ^  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> So can we just wrap this shit up and admit that Brittany has this in the bag, please?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Not on your life, Lopez.

**Finn Hudson** Lady Music Week has gotten off to a great start, despite the lack of enthusiasm (I'm not going to name names) by some. "Perfect" turned out to be *perfect*, and we're going to have a wonderful week!  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> likes this  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Rachel wrote this, didn't she?  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Oh yeah.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> I'll name names: me! This idea is stupid and your song was crap.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Whether you actually believe that or not, and it's hard to tell with you sometimes, the idea is that we all care about you Santana, the *real* you, not who you pretend to be for the rest of the school. How you interpret the message, that's your choice.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Now I can see why Frigid dropped his pants for you...  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I know you don't exactly like the idea (and I'm certainly glad the Glee Club didn't try any stunt like this for me), but it's important Santana. We don't care how cruel you are to us (or to our efforts to support you), we will be *there* for you, understand?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Yeah, yeah, crystal clear. Why don't you go back to trying to scrounge up votes against my Brittany and leave me the hell alone?

**Santana Lopez** I must admit, the next phase of Finn's horribly named LMW was much improved, though I could have done without the (very subtle) come-on.  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong>, **Finn Hudson,** and** 4 others** like this  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> Please, the Puckzilla doesn't do anything without a little sex on the tail, babe!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> That doesn't even make sense. Why do you all sleep with him again?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> He's good (**Brittany Pierce**, **Quinn Fabray, **and** 27 others** like this)  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Not only is the sheer amount of likes horrifying, but QUINN!  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Is Lady Music Week really that bad?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> As a name: hells yes. As an idea? It's starting to grow on me. (**Finn Hudson** like this)  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> And I mean grow on me like a poisonous mold that's slowly killing me with sheer ridiculousness. I can never be rid of it.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Like herpes?

**Quinn Fabray **posted to** Puck DaBadass**'s** Wall** Whatever is a girl to do when she's all alone in her house and bored?  
><strong>Puck DaBadass<strong> does. not. like this. Haven't we already talked about how crazy you are.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Not to offend you or anything, but you can get worse than Rachel was far as the maintenance thing goes.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> You know how to spell maintenance?  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> I resent the implication that I am difficult to handle.  
><strong>Puck DaBadass <strong>Santana, Rachel, Finn, get the hell off my Facebook. This is between me and Quinn. Lucy: I'm gonna go raw dog that beehive now.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> What the...?

**Santana Lopez** I absolutely hated **Finn Hudson**'s version of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.' Hated the arrangement, hated the vocals, hated the time and place, just hated it. But the sentiment behind it wasn't so bad, and even though Finn's being 'that clingy girl that just lost her virginity' whenever he's around me, this week might have been a pretty good idea.  
><strong>Finn Hudson, Rachel Berry<strong>, and **7 others** like this  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Considering you have his virginity, doesn't that automatically make him that clingy girl that just lost his virginity around you?  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> It's especially bad this week. He thinks I'm gonna slit my wrists or jump off a cliff.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> Not that suicide is in ANY WAY A VIABLE OPTION, he kind of has a right to worry.  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> My only question is where exactly he stole the gay suicide pamphlets from: your bedroom or Miss Pillsbury? Because that's obviously where he's getting his speeches from.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> I think Finn is... wary of going in my bedside drawers. Let's leave it at that, shall we?  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> ;)  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> I told you, Santana, you mean something to me. Whether that makes me whatever you and Kurt are calling me or not, I don't care. I realize how awesome, how *special* you are, and I just want you to share that with everyone.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> You better watch it, Finn Hudson, or I'll start to think you're in love with the head cheerleader... again.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> The *lesbian* head cheerleader?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>Who is probably realistically bisexual, but why use proper terms when we can just lump everything under the banner of gay?

**Jacob Ben Israel** The polls are today, and I wish everyone the best of luck (especially **Brittany Pierce**). -with **Kurt Hummel** and** the Stick Nelson  
>Santana Lopez, Blaine Anderson<strong>, and** 1293 others** like this  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> PIERCE FOR PRESIDENT!  
><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>VOTE FOR SOMETHING REAL, KURT HUMMEL!  
><strong>the Stick Nelson<strong> VOTE THE STICK!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Stick, why do all your posters look like they have dicks on them? (**Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry,** and** 28 others** like this)  
><strong>the Stick Nelson<strong> They're video game controllers!  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Right.  
><strong>Jacob Ben Israel<strong> Though I usually decline from commenting on my own posts, the exit polling goes as follows: **the Stick** down to 15%, Lady **Hummel** at 25%, and Madame President Miss **Brittany Pierce** at 60%.

**Puck DaBadass** "I kissed a dolphin, and I liked it, the taste of her fishy chap stick. I kissed a dolphin, just to try it; I hope my fuck-friend don't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight, I kissed a dolphin and I liked it. I liked it."  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> You know, I just heard that song today, but for some reason those words seem right.  
><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>Oh, like you've never kissed a girl, Hummel.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> Wait, we're kissing dolphins now? I want to kiss mine!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> The sad part is her comment was perfectly timed and she has no idea how funny it was.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> This is a story I've never heard...

**Jacob Ben Israel** Major political scandal at McKinley today. **KURT HUMMEL** STUFFED THE BALLOT BOXES!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> That is *not* true! Someone stuffed the ballot boxes in my favor, but it wasn't me.  
><strong>Jacob Ben Israel<strong> The punishment to suit the crime would be a one-week suspension.  
><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> Do I have to punch your head in to get you to understand me? Leave. Him. Alone.  
><strong>Jacob Ben Israel<strong> Many wonder why Hummel thought he could get away with such a scheme, leaving behind too many ballots and a suspiciously wide margin.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> Finn, would you like help bashing this idiot's face in? Kurt's innocent!  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> In some ways.  
><strong>Jacob Ben Israel<strong> Whoever committed this egregious crime (Kurt) must come forward by the end of the school day to receive punishment or else risk a more thorough investigation and a longer suspension.  
><strong>Rachel Berry<strong> KURT'S INNOCENT!

**Jacob Ben Israel** It has been announced that **Rachel Berry** was the one to stuff the ballot boxes in Kurt's name, and will thus receive a suspension of one-week suspension and is banned from competing in the ever-important (to her) event of the Glee club's Sectionals.  
><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong> I think someone owes someone an apology. (**Finn Hudson** like this)  
><strong>Santana Lopez<strong> Are we in third grade?  
><strong>Jacob Ben Israel<strong> I must formally apologize to Kurt for suspecting him.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> And I would like to publicly congratulate our new President: Miss **Brittany **Susan Pierce.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce<strong> I promise to rule wisely and rule fabulously, my First Unicorn. *hearts* (**Kurt Hummel** like this)


End file.
